Enough About Me... How About You? What Do You Think Of Me?

Coachella in 5 sleeps

2006-04-24T10:50:00.000-04:00

I just spent a few minutes looking around the Coachella site and I've got to say... I'm finally starting to get pretty pumped! I've been ever so unpleasantly stressed of late that I really have had no time to get excited about anything. Now that the surprise 30th birthday party finally has a bit of structure (dress is bought, invites are out, room is booked, Grocery Gateway order placed, booze purchased), and work is starting to feel like a normal job (I just lied - it doesn't yet, but I haven't lost all optimism yet...), I feel a bit better about taking off for several days to the warm, welcoming climate of southern California.

I was just glancing through the lineup (I actually have the Coachella Real Player on right now!) and although I know a lot more bands this year vs. last (thank you KEXP), I feel less like I'm planning to see certain ones - don't get me wrong - I will dance to the Scissor Sisters and there are a few Canadian notables that I won't miss: Metric, the Dears, Wolf Parade, but for the most part, I'm looking forward to having the music, sunshine and beautiful, beautiful environs wash over me as I lay in on the grass, blissfully appreciating.

Where in the hell has she been?

2006-04-15T22:13:00.000-04:00

So I was looking for a new job in January, found one in February, went to Cuba, (I'm very meh on Cuba, I must say - ants in the hotel, terrible service and we nearly got robbed by our maid. Nice beach through) came home and I’ve been in Montreal ever since. I’ve not been home except for the occasional weeknight and most weekends. I fly out at 7 AM every Monday morning (which means I’m up at 430 AM) and back in the city around 7-ish Friday nights. I’m exhausted. I’ve been chastised to no end about my lack of blog writing. I feel badly about having neglected my site. I feel even worse about not ever seeing my sister, friends and about the fact that I’ve somehow become accustomed to only five hours sleep.

The highlight of the last several weeks is I think… when my new boss and I got escorted out of the office at midnight by the cleaning staff – they’d waited an extra half hour for us to finish up. My boss’s car was locked into the parking garage so I had to drive it out of downtown to the airport the next morning for our 8 AM flight. Gha.

On the upside, I had a great meeting last weekend – making the late nights worth it (yawn). Hopefully from this point on, things start to settle down. I’ll still be in Montreal each week – but I’ll finally start working from home a few days per week. Plus I do have tons of super cool free stuff. So I’m starting to see the upside. I might have time to do something other than laundry and re-packing my suitcase….

Happy Valentines Day!

2006-02-14T10:21:00.000-05:00

Valentines day has not been one that I've much enjoyed in many years. It's always reminded me of my father - every year as far back as I can recall, my dad would give each of us girls flowers for Valentines Day. For many years, I couldn't even imagine receiving flowers and usually asked to not have them sent to me. I guess it has as much to do with the fact that he was really beginning to slip away from us around this time - it was clear to us at this point what was going to happen. And so, 15 years later, I'm still reminded of this today.

What makes this year different is my approach, I suppose. I'm really taking this year - the year that I head into 30 - as a no-holds-barred great year. That being said, I have no recourse other than to approach today with the same attitude. So in some small tribute to the day and to the memory of dad, I decided to share some of my happiness with those I care about. So... as I write this, roses are on their way to one of my best friends, to my mother and to my grandmother. And I picked up something pretty cool for the boy too...

Smiles everyone!

And... We're Done.

2006-02-08T23:05:00.000-05:00

So I gave my notice on Monday. Yup, goodbye old company, hello new job! I'm going into a HUGE new job and kind of feel like I'm going to be giving up a TON of time to this. At the same time, I feel like this job is the one I've been planning my whole life for. If I want to be a VP or Director someday, this is the job that will get me there. Yikes. I am so very excited. And nervous. And excited. Gha.

So now, other than being mental with work and trying to wrap it all up - my main concern is this:

Mexico?
LA?
Vegas?
Disney?

So Here's Where I've Been...

2006-02-03T14:44:00.000-05:00

“I’ve been busy” sounds a bit lame, therefore I’m going to catch you up in some detail as to why I’ve not been around as much of late…

I’m looking for a new job. I’ve been meeting with headhunters, interviewing and this week flew to Montreal for more interviews (don’t worry, I’m NOT relocating!). there was a bit of scramble last night as I pulled my references together – I don’t know why I hadn’t done this before as eventually someone would ask for them, but I just wasn’t expecting it to happen so fast!
I’ve been ardently looking for a condo. To BUY. Yikes. I’ve met with the bank, I’m pre-approved, everything is in place, I only have to find the right place. Easier said than done… a one bedroom condo with parking that’s larger than 500 square feet – and not a quarter of a million dollars – NOT EASY TO FIND. That said, I have a feeling about the one I’m seeing tomorrow… (yes, another feeling!)
Work has been extraordinarily busy. Year-end financials, executing the 2006 plan – all things that eat up time like there’s no tomorrow.
Toronto International Film Festival Top Ten Canadian Films mini-festival. I’m seeing my third film tonight and last weekend attended a discussion panel with the Director of Oscar-snubbed Quebec film C.R.A.Z.Y. and Atom Egoyan of Where The Truth Lies.
Concerts! I’ve seen Broken Social Scene, the Constantines & Deadly Snakes, the CBC show at the Phoenix, We Are Scientists and Imogen Heap.
A Play! Soulpepper's Our Town.

Anyhow, things should calm down around the end of February (hopefully!). Although I’ve been less attentive to writing, I’ve not missed any of your postings… You know who you are!

Great weekend everyone

Would You Look At That...

2006-01-31T15:19:00.000-05:00

Coachella 2006

http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/news/06-01/31.shtml

Saturday, April 29:
Depeche Mode, Franz Ferdinand, Sigur Ros, Common, Damian Marley, Atmosphere, Carl Cox, My Morning Jacket, Ladytron , Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Tosca, Cat Power, Animal Collective, Hard-Fi, Derrick Carter, Devendra Banhart, She Wants Revenge, The Walkmen, The Juan Maclean, Audio Bullys, Imogen Heap, Lady Sovereign, Deerhoof, The Duke Spirit, Editors, stellastarr*, Lyrics Born, Matt Costa, The New Amsterdams, The Zutons, Platinum Piped Pipers, White Rose Movement, Chris Liberator, Colette, Joey Beltram, Hybrid, Wolfmother, The Like, Living Things, Nine Black Alps, The Section Quartet, Infadels, Youth Group, Shy FX & T Power, Infusion

Sunday, April 30:
Tool, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Bloc Party, Paul Oakenfold, Scissor Sisters, Matisyahu, James Blunt, TV on the Radio, Sleater-Kinney , Mogwai, Coheed and Cambria, Gnarls Barkley, Coldcut, Phoenix, Digable Planets, Amadou & Mariam, Little Louie Vega, Mylo (DJ Set), Seu Jorge, Wolf Parade, The Go! Team, Kaskade, Metric, Art Brut, Dungen, The Dears, Jamie Lidell, The Magic Numbers, Los Amigos Invisibles, Jazzanova, Michael Mayer, Mates of State, Gilles Peterson, Gabriel & Dresden, The Subways, Minus the Bear, Be Your Own Pet, Giant Drag, Kristina Sky, The Octopus Project

It seems day two is Canada day with the Dears, Wolf Parade and Metric, all of whom I've seen in the last year. I'm so excited, I think I just threw up in my mouth. I'm also super pumped about booing James Blunt and singing along with the Scissor Sisters? Think they'll go into to Take Your Momma Out with the Take Me Out, Franz Ferdinand intro???

Who's the poser?

2006-01-27T13:44:00.000-05:00

So Greektown got us on the list for a NO COVER live concert event at the Phoenix last night – it was a CBC thing – they were taping a bunch of bands for a TV special and we were part of the crowd shots. Or rather would have been, if we were actually standing in the crowd. No, we decided to get pissed, standing off to the side (as we are wont to do) with some other rather camera-shy people (read as: not hoochied to eyeteeth and dying to show all their friends just how indie-music trendy sick they all are by being at the show and saying “see, there I am”… standing impassively in the crowd – too cool to show any enthusiasm. Toronto show audiences annoy me and I am loathe to appear as one of them – I rather enjoy reveling in my contempt. Ahem, Greektown’s contempt.).

So there we are, having drinks and LOVING the show – the lineup was Kyle Riabko (you all know that I LOVE this kid), Ron Sexsmith, Graft Noel (that can’t be right), Matt Mays and El Torpedo, The Constantines and the Stills. Milling around us were several shaggy-haired dudes that had that kind of put-upon “I’m in a band look.” Well, that and they had a manager guy buying them drinks and hoochies hanging around them. So seriously, these guys were out there like they were the goddamn Arcade Fire. Neither Greektown nor I had any idea who they were and for a while, actually thought that either Matt Mays , the Cons or the Stills had gone through an extreme makeover episode and ended up wearing ascots…

At one point, I leaned over and asked one of the guys standing near us (remember, we’re VERY chatty when we’re properly pissed) and asked what band those guys were in. He points to one of them and says “I think that guy’s Kevin Federline.” “Oh,” I said, “I’m pretty sure that guy is Michael Hutchens back from the dead.” As the night wore on, our confusion deepened. Who were these guys? The ascot guy comes over to his posse at one point and reports back to the group that a girl approached him at the bar and asked if he was in a band. “Yes, I’m in a band” he replied with as much condescension possible. Their manager (the ascot’s brother) actually cornered some media-type girl and did an interview. More confusion.

Finally, near the end of the night, our curiosity got the best of us… they had to be somebody? With all the courage of a six-pack of beer backing me up, I touched the shoulder of who can only be described as music’s equivalent of the comic book store guy in the Simpson’s. “Hi there… you seem to know your way around here – I think you’ve talked to just about anyone who’s anyone… do me a favor – what band are those guys in?” Comic book store guy (not at all seeing through my drunken flattery), after telling me a story about how he’s good friends with every major Canadian band (yawn), explains that they’re Shaker, working on their first record. Apparently Sam Robert’s manager is dating someone in the band and they’ve performed with Sam Roberts recently (a Google search this morning revealed that they performed with Sam Roberts ONCE in Peterborough...LOL). After enduring a few more minutes of comic book store guy talking about how many people he knows and throwing around music facts to impress me (double yawn), I thankfully escape to the sound of the Constantines taking the stage.

Make a note. No matter how good Shaker is, I already hate them a bit for being such godawful poser snobs. EAT MY ASS.

Voting is HOT

2006-01-24T10:10:00.000-05:00

Hot guys vote. It was like single night at the polling station last night – all these hot guys in suits, doing their civic duty and as such. Yummy.

So beyond the fact that I really enjoyed being at the polling station, I also really like voting. In fact, other than a municipal election back East that took place days before I was moving to Toronto, I’ve never missed an election. Even when traveling abroad, I’ve always managed to hit an advance poll and make it work. There’s such a tremendous sense of ownership and accomplishment over such a really simple act. And despite being none-too-pleased about the outcome, it could have been much worse.

I must admit to being very pleased/relieved to see that turnout was up – it drives me crazy that so many people don’t in any way identify with that responsibility. I also loved being at the polling station and seeing so many people, from all over the world who’ve chosen Canada as their home and don’t take the right to vote for granted. And, at the end of the day, I’ve earned another 4 years (let’s be real here, 2 years) to talk politics without being a hypocrite. Awesome.

I'm too old for this

2006-01-15T23:16:00.000-05:00

So we got tarted up, hit Embrujo Flamenco for tapas, sangria and some flamenco dancing (and maybe some shameless flirting with the waiter for Greektown...) and tried to hit Nostalgia, the party at Level Nightclub in the club district downtown. I say tried because when we arrived around 11 PM, the place had been locked down. All we got from the night was about a dozen crabby cops and bouncers telling us that we had to clear out. Goddamn those guys are aggravating!!!

I was not the only person who thought so - Greektown actually got mad at one of the cops - when he told us to move off the sidewalk, Greektown got in his face and said "I know my rights! You don't own the sidewalks!" That almost made the whole expedition down there worth it.

So after an even worse experience at Tonic (Don't get me started - just don't ever go there!!), we decided to join our people at the Phoenix. Ah... our peeps - 90's rock dudes... Pickering Princess decided that it was project night and kept collecting boy outcasts that no one else would dance with. We were quite a sight by the end of the night... we three girls and a bunch of odd looking boys, the worst of them being this weirdo wearing a wifebeater and jogging pants and who at one point was suspending himself in the doorway to one of the rooms. All in a night with the Princess...

I can't even wait for Shuffle!

Imogene Heap looks like Darlene

2006-01-15T22:50:00.000-05:00

Have you seen the show Hatching, Matching and Dispatching on the CBC? Imogene Heap looks like the Darlene, the daughter. Yikes.

Anyhow, aside from the scary hair and outfit, Imogene Heap was fantastic. I'll admit (risking the scorn of music snobs everywhere) that I find her cd difficult to listen to - a bit much electronica-vocals for my taste. But Imogene live was a different story... the show was fantastic - she sold out the El-Mo. She had this really cool set-up with a couple of keyboards, a laptop and bunch of mikes. Luckily it was mostly her unadulterated voice throughout the night. The only voice getting under my skin was the crazy Imogene fan standing behind us. I believe he actually said "I will be one irritated bastard if she doesn't play that song." He followed that gem up with "Go ahead! Leave! Now that she's played the OC song! Not like real fans!" Yeowzah.

And what was with the completely bitchy girl in front of us who was MAD at her boyfriend? He kept rubbing her back and offering her a better view and she kept shaking him off. Come on! I'm sure she was mad, but that dude really tried...

Anyhow, I was moderately excited to go to the show. I definitely got my money's worth.

Happy Anniversary

2006-01-10T00:09:00.000-05:00

Oh for crap sakes... not him!!

January 6th marks the one year anniversary of my dear blog. How fitting that I should have missed it by a few days as I generally miss everyone's birthdays by a day or two (or five...). Vermont, I haven't missed your b-day, have I? It's in February, right? Maybe Greektown and I will swing by to help you celebrate? Hun? Can we???

Anyhow, happy blog birthday to me.

Maybe when it turns 30 it will also have Three Weeks of Thirty (I should trademark that) celebrations.

I've broken my surfboard.

2006-01-10T00:02:00.000-05:00

Oh dear, I’ve missed the first wave.

Unless I get married in the next five months (yeah right, you’ve all seen me VERY drunk and even in that state I’d never consider it!), I have officially missed it.

This revelation hit me today as I chatted with our office’s administrative assistant. She’s got a daughter the same age as me who got married last summer and who’s now trying for her first child. Blah, blah, talking about how I’ve not married and that even among my Toronto friends, we singletons are starting to look pretty thin in numbers, when it occurs to me. It hits me like a wall – that’s it! I am the girl who’s not gotten married in the first round. Round one is over. I’ve surpassed the statistics. I am my own statistic. Nearly 30 years old and I couldn’t be farther away from it.

ASIDE: does anyone watch Austin City Limits? I’m watching Coldplay cover Jonny Cash’s Ring of Fire. AWESOME. I do not love Coldplay (I have grown to like them since Coachella though), but this is one of the best covers of any song I’ve ever seen. It’s up there with Our Lady Peace covering the Beatles’ Dear Prudence. But I digress.

Now this is not a lamentation. This is what I want. I want to live this life. A year ago in one of my first posts, I wrote about how I liked being able to eat at fantastic restaurants, buy silly clothes, go on all kinds of incredible trips and essentially live my life with only one objective: Have fun. I still want to live like this. Maybe you think I’m immature. Unable to commit. Scared.

Okay, so I’m a little of all those things. Whatever (eat me). I know this. I’m happy like this. I’m not ready for the responsibility of shared accounts, shared laundry (I’m aghast), showing someone my bank accounts (how would I EVER explain all that? Imagine if I had to justify a VISA statement. I’d rather be killed). I’m actually growing more horrified about the whole thing as I write this. I like being the only one who judges me and the only one in charge of said FUN.

ASIDE: NOW Michael Stipe is playing with Coldplay (They’re playing a Joseph Arthur song… hmmm, isn’t he the guy who opened for REM at the Hummingbird Theatre last year?). I LOVE this show. Yeah, now Nightswimming. Dayam.

Point is, I’m so excited to be turning 30. I have only one goal that I’ve yet to accomplish – buying a condo or some kind of property. Yeah, I’ll get to that soon – I have this crazy theory that it’ll take care of itself. The condo will come and find me at the right time. I know, I’m cracked. Otherwise, it’s all good. I am exactly where I need to be right now and I think I’m still headed in the right direction. Perhaps I’ll get taken up in the next wave or maybe not. As long as I’m still having fun, I don’t suppose it’s worth worrying about.

I'm Worried...

2006-01-09T23:37:00.000-05:00

I think I’m beginning the year a little too well. For starters, I’ve got several incredible shows lined up: Imogen Heap, Broken Social Scene and Deadly Snakes/Constantines. Add to that the Top Ten Canadian Films mini-festival at which I’m seeing Water, La Neuvaine, The Life and Hard Times of Guy Terrifico and another documentary as well as attending a discussion panel with the director of much acclaimed Montreal film (and apparently has some Oscar buzz as well) C.R.A.Z.Y and my all time hero, Atom Egoyan. Did I mention that the directors are all attending the screenings of my films? Yes, that's right - Deepa Mehta will be attending the screening (at Jackman Hall at the AGO - holds about what? 50-75 people?) and doing a Q&A. Uh hun, the same Deepa Mehta who's film Water was the Opening Gala of the Toronto International Film Festival. I LOVE my life.

In addition to all that (as if it weren’t enough already), I’ve also got tickets to my first theatre production of the year, Soulpepper’s Our Town and several very cool club parties – Shuffle (which we routinely get invited to and love going to) AND Nostalgia, which is several degrees cooler (and involves swaggering up, whatever that means) than Shuffle and to which we had to EARN our invite. Yeah, I’m pumped.

The Year In Review:

2006-01-04T21:50:00.000-05:00

Ten Best/Most Interesting things that happened in 2005 (in no particular order)

Went to Jays Fest and met Shea Hillenbrand, Corey Koskie and Roy Halliday (okay, this really is the best of the best – everything else is in no particular order).
Flew out to Coachella and hung out in the VIP area (Danny Devito, a Backstreet Boy, Scott Speedman and many more).
Sat next to Sarah from the Arcade Fire on my flight to LA – later met the rest of the Arcade Fire after being front row(-ish) for their show at Coachella.
Went to the Mayan Riviera for a week of divine relaxation.
MC’d my brother’s wedding (then hosted my brother and his wife for a fantastic visit in November).
Wrote an article about the Stella McCartney collection at H&M for DOSE.
Sat next to Wycleff Jean and in front of Cynthia Nixon during the TIFF screening of One Last Thing, then met Ethan Hawk. Greektown subsequently iced Ethan Hawk in DOSE.
Cowgirl got engaged, 615 Windsor got pregnant – if I could have wished for anything in 2005, this would have been it!
Got invited backstage at a club show of one of our favorite bands (ah, wonder who?), then hung out on their tour bus.
Generally had a ton of fun with amazing friends and chronicled it all here for you to read. I suspect that the coming year will be more of the same – a girl can only hope!

Thanks for sticking with me. Writing this blog was definitely a highlight. This is going to be a helluva year!

This is the New Year

2006-01-02T12:00:00.000-05:00

It’s a Monday morning, 1130 AM and I’m sitting in my robe, drinking a lovely cup of coffee and psyching myself up for a run. It really doesn’t get any better than this.

I have to say, 2006 – not so bad. Had a great and rather hysterical NYE games night get-together where much food and drink was consumed. Suffice it to say that any night where you get to say “sexual man-juice” and “black leather zippered gimp suit” and make numerous references to vibrators, is invariable a great start to a new year.

That said, I’m glad the holidays are over. Not that I’m in any hurry to get back to work – not so much. However, the holidays were somewhat stressful: driving back to the east coast instead of flying (NEVER again), facing a difficult family situation (somewhat resolved, though not back to normal by any stretch), and the much-dreaded gift exchange with the man. Why dreaded? See if I can explain this… I was scared of being disappointed. I didn’t have crazy expectations or anything, I was just worried that it wouldn’t be a gift that suited me – you know? I, like many of you I’m sure, like to read into this sort of thing – the gift as representative of how well he knows me – that sort of complete ass stuff. Anyhow, I had nothing at all to fear, it turned out – it was perfect.

So with all of the stress behind me and a much more peaceful state-of-mind currently in place, I face the New Year with some resolutions: There are many and definitely evenly weighted…

In 2006, I will:

Be in a job that I love
CELEBRATE turning 30 (there are already three weeks of celebrations planned)
Improve my health situation (read as: take vitamins and fish oil for my heart)
Run a half-marathon (hopefully the conclusion to the three weeks of birthday celebrations)
Make the tough call (I sometimes like to procrastinate on tough issues – I want to do this less)
Go to New York City (and see a Yankees game!)

Ah Jee-zus!

2005-12-13T11:50:00.000-05:00

Last night’s advance screening of King Kong can be summed up by Greektown’s soundbites…

Hour one:
I’m terrified!
Dinosaurs? Really?
Hour two:
Quick! Close your eyes! Jesus, keep them closed! Oh, REALLY keep them closed! Oh God! It’s a penis worm! You’ve got to see this! See, it’s a penis worm with teeth! Oh quick! Close your eyes again! Oh man, they’re still being eaten! Okay, okay, I think you’re safe now.
Hour three:
Oh my God, die already (okay, this one was me)
End:
The hater is giving this a good review! How is that possible?

In other news… Here’s what I heard this morning:
Wow, have you lost weight?
(BEG) No.
Really? That suit looks great on you.
(BEG) Thank you!
You look like a mime.

Oh for Effing frig sake! We’re fighting.

I'm still wiped!

2005-12-12T13:17:00.000-05:00

Although it started out pretty quietly – pitcher of beer and wings with the Bride (we’re such guys!) on Friday night, followed by Pride and Prejudice (we’re such girls!) – Saturday night was enough to make me still want to crawl back into bed for another day.

The night started off with a trip to the suburbs for my work Christmas party. The highlight? Ah, the beer definitely, as well as the “Yankee gift exchange.” You know – the one where everybody brings a $20 gift and then you can steal or open a gift. Yes, like the Office – except minus the iPod. I ended up with the same gift that I actually brought to the party – Greektown’s H&M gift certificate (I didn’t have time to go and buy a gift, so I stole from my pile). I kept stealing/having stolen a Crown Royal gift box, a German beer gift box and an LCBO gift certificate. Super fun.

From the work party, back into the city (thank God!) where Noogie headed to a few of his parties and I met up with Greektown for a few Jolt & coconut rums before the Jason Colette show at Lee’s Palace. He was, as always, incredible, and it was by far the best rendition of Hangover Days EVER, with the ever-fabulous Emily Haines making a quick guest appearance for the duet. LOVE.

From the show, to our last stop of the night – the Upstairs/Downstairs Party over in Little Italy. We arrived somewhere around 2 AM, just as the crowd was thinning to include all of my favorite people and few others. The rest of the night is a blur, although not without it’s memorable moments…forays onto the front step, the hostess and her tray of cookies and catching up with the girls. I was dragged out of there at 4 AM.

Sunday was not a pretty picture. Surprisingly, I think because I stayed up so late, I wasn’t hung over – just extremely tired because I was woken up at 1030 and forced to be awake. Grrr.

I think the next few weeks are going to be equally swamped. I’m tired just thinking about it!

In Other Words... Please Eff Off

2005-12-08T17:06:00.000-05:00

My email response from Rogers... Written, evidently by a child in grade one. I can't imagine that there is a customer service course out there in the world, that instructs people to refer to customers as disgruntled???

Thank you for using our email service. We definitely appreciate your business and look forward to getting you set up with our Hi-Speed Internet service. I am sorry to hear that a manager did not call you back as your expectation had been set. Being a customer myself, I would be disgruntled too, if I were told that I would be called back by a manager and then never get the call.
The disconnection of your services is the last thing we would ever want you to feel that you should do. We do our very best to be as accommodating as possible to as many good customers like yourself as
possible, however there are some circumstances beyond our control. I
have to advise you that we are only set up to help you pick up the modems when they are in stock at the retail stores, or we can send a tech to your home at a 3-hour window that suits you best. Technicians are available 7 days a week.
We appreciate your continuing patronage and I am sorry if this is not the exact response you wish to hear. Please contact us at your convenience if you have any further inquiries.

Sincerely,
Douglas G.
Rogers Online Management Support
websitefeedbackw@rci.rogers.com
KMM12238840C0KM

Thank you very much Rogers, I can't wait to tell YOU to eff off. All hail TIVO!

Best seats EVER

2005-12-08T12:07:00.000-05:00

Last night’s Raptors game – we’re centre court, 12 rows up, directly behind Stephen Dorff AND on an aisle. It just does not get any better than this! Oh wait, it does – there was also a guy with Billy Rae Cyrus hair! Love it! Thanks, Greektown’s boss…

So we’re at an NBA game, having some beers, watching the crowd more than anything… and we get into an interesting discussion. It seems that one of Greektown’s friends has started chumming with one of my friends. So the boys have their big night out and lo and behold, what comes out of it but a rather interesting comment about women of a “certain age” (meaning 25-30-ish). Evidently, we are the problem. Yes, that’s right, it’s all our fault. Guys in their mid-30s are apparently (“allegedly” using rockstar quotes) ready to settle down and here we are, in our prime settling-down age and all we want to do is have fun and focus on our careers. Interesting theory, though it sounds rather like one more in a long list of reasons guys use to justify why they’ve chosen to stay single.

We're fighting.

2005-12-07T11:22:00.000-05:00

Rogers Customer Care
855 York Mills Road
Don Mills, Ontario
M3B 1Z1

December 6, 2005

Dear Customer Care:

I recently had a very unpleasant experience with Rogers. On Monday, November 26th, I signed up online for the Rogers Express Hi-Speed Internet Service. I received my email confirmation of the service and opted to pick up the modem and do the set-up on my own time.

Later that afternoon, I called the Rogers Video store near my home. I indicated to the clerk who answered the phone that I was looking for a Rogers Express Internet modem. The clerk informed me that they had none in stock and would not have any soon. He suggested that I call another store. I asked him if he could order a modem into the store for me. I was told he would not.

Frustrated, I called the Rogers 1-888 number and after struggling through the voice-prompt menu, I finally arrived at a live agent. I explained to the agent that I wanted to pick up an Express modem box and that the store closest to me had none and wouldn’t order one for me. I explained that I was not inclined to start calling every Rogers store in the city to track one down, nor was it convenient for me to wait at home for a technician (I work out of the city). The customer service agent called another store within walking distance and informed me that he had arranged for a modem to be put on hold for me until 8 PM that night.

That evening, I headed out to the Rogers store (in a snowstorm) to pick up my modem. Upon arriving, I requested the Express modem. I was informed that they had no Express modems, only Extreme modems. The agent that called the store had requested the wrong modem. The clerk suggested that I call other stores in the city to find one. Very frustrated, I asked the agent to cancel my order and then left.

Upon my return home, I called the Rogers 1-888 number and again, after navigating the voice-prompt system, finally arrived at a live agent. I requested to speak to a manager or supervisor. The customer service agent insisted that I give all of my personal information first. After doing so, he informed me that no manager or supervisors were available and asked the reason for my call. I recounted my experience. The agent very kindly attempted to accommodate my schedule with a technician, however my schedule and the unavailability of a technician on the weekend made it impossible. I again asked that a supervisor or manager return my call when one became available. I have not yet been contacted.

I have been a loyal Rogers customer for many years. I estimate my personal current year’s spending on Rogers products to be approximately as follows:

Rogers Cable (102.00/month) $1,224
Fido Cell Phone (minimum of $60/month) $ 720
Two Rogers Magazine subscriptions $ 40
Total $1,984

I am very disappointed with my service experience and the total disregard for customer care. I look forward to discontinuing my services with Rogers as other options become available.

I slept throught the night!! (No, I am not a six-month old...)

2005-12-06T12:50:00.000-05:00

It has been MONTHS since I woke up and the first thought I had was, God I feel good. I wouldn’t say that I bounded out of bed – that’s a bit of a stretch – but I definitely threw back the covers much, much happier for the first time in ages.

Perhaps I ended up in a sugar coma? Last night I crafted three batches of caramel sauce, a lower-fat version, a full butter version and a bourbon version. Yummy. Might throw a spiced rum into the last batch. So with that, my jams, the finished cds and the assorted baked goods that I’m going to throw together over the next weekends, my Christmas baskets (this year they’re Christmas bags) are nearing completion. I’m actually pretty pleased with myself – I’ve for the most part finished all of my shopping except for a few odds and ends for my brother’s stocking. Yes, that’s right – finished.

I absolutely love doing Christmas baking. I have a few favorites that always make it into the baskets – brownies and Skor bars – and this year I’m adding a low-fat biscotti and I think either a strawberry cheesecake square or pecan bourbon cookies. I’m obsessed with booze, what can I say? Hmm, maybe some kind of shortbread cookie too. Good thing I’m not much on snacking on this stuff or I’d be 8 million lbs by the time Christmas rolled around…

Ahem... a few words

2005-12-01T11:57:00.000-05:00

I feel a bit of a rant coming on today. Oh look at that… a soapbox… don’t mind if I do…

One of yesterday’s big news items was this idiot who was acquitted of rape because he has sexsomnia. I want to hunt down and torture whoever came up with this asinine diagnosis. Granted, I don’t know the ins and outs of the actual case, other than what was reported yesterday, but the woman woke up with the rapist (yes, rapist, I don’t give a goddamn if he was acquitted) in the process of raping her. Ah, and the guy somehow, in his sexsomnia stupor managed to put a condom on. Blind Rage. I immediately thought of one of my good friends from university that was date raped and actually had the courage to face him in court. (Fist waving in air).

So now that I’m angry… how about navigating a political minefield? In today’s Wall Street Journal:

Meanwhile, a newly released Reagan-era document shows that Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito advocated using state laws to erode or overturn abortion rights and is expected to intensify the debate over his nomination. Senate hearings are scheduled to open early next month, and activists on both sides of the debate are trying to divine whether he would try to steer the court toward overturning Roe v. Wade, The Wall Street Journal reports. In the 1985 memo, Judge Alito defended a host of state-passed restrictions similar to the New Hampshire law that were under court challenge at the time, from parental consent to a requirement that doctors provide women with details about the health risks of abortion and the development of the fetus. "Roe took from state lawmakers the authority to make this choice and gave it to the pregnant woman. Does it not follow," he asks, that the woman should have the same information "we would want lawmakers to consider?" He recommended the administration make clear that "it does not even tacitly concede Roe's legitimacy." www.wsj.com

I am pro-choice. I am sick to my stomach at what is currently going on in the US. The Supreme Court is in the process of being reformed in such a way that the Roe vs. Wade decision that allows a woman to make decision regarding her own health and future, are at risk. Well, what’s left of those rights after the conservative states have hacked away at them…

I have never had an abortion or considered having one. I know of one person that has had one. I am eternally grateful that I have never had to make the choice for myself. I can’t imagine being able to make that choice. However, I cannot imagine taking that choice away from others. I realize that while the idea of a late-term pregnancy termination makes me sick to my stomach, a woman has the right to choose. The right to choose means exactly that: the right to choose. It means that a child that has been molested and becomes pregnant, can terminate the fetus. It means that a woman that is raped, can terminate the pregnancy. It means that a woman that can’t imagine giving birth to a child, has never wanted a child, and does not want to carry a child to term only to give it away, can make the choice to terminate a pregnancy.

While grateful that I live in Canada, not the US, I also recognize the tremendous influence of the US and fear the strengthening influence of the current extreme right Canadian political party. The noose is tightening around women’s rights and the right to choose is hanging precariously. As a woman that has occasionally felt restricted because of my genetic makeup, I am in fear.

Put your back into it...

2005-11-30T12:48:00.000-05:00

On Saturday, I will be participating in my very first alumni event here in the big city. We have quite an active alumni association in the city, with monthly events that I have yet to attend. That all changes this weekend with the Alumni Habitat for Humanity Build. I am so excited! I’ve always wanted to participate in a build and I love doing volunteer work, particularly this time of year.

Better watch out, I’ve got my steel-toed boots and I’m ready to use a nail gun (they’ll let me use a nail gun, right?). I’ll try to resist walking around saying, “I’m great with caulk” or “have you ever seen anyone work caulk this way?” like my San Antonio pal… (you've got to read this...).

It's Patrick... He bought life insurance!

2005-11-29T12:35:00.000-05:00

Help me out, please. Noogie and I are having a debate of sorts over whether most people have some kind of personal insurance. I don’t mean health insurance and not the obligatory coverage that you get through work, but personal life insurance.

I have two policies. Before I was born, my parents took out a small policy on me, in the event that should I be born with any kind of pre-existing condition that precluded me from qualifying down the road, that I would at minimum, have a small policy to fall back on. When I graduated from university, I purchased another policy – this one being the only other one I’ll need. Again, it made sense to purchase it while still young because of the low policy premiums and the complete ease of obtaining coverage (no physical required). So there, I’m done – and officially worth much more dead than alive…

I suppose that because of my father’s illness and the way that my parents made arrangements to protect our family in case of exactly such an event – that I’ve also ascribed to the same precautionary preparations. And I don't carry the insurance so much for right now, as for that day, somewhere down the road (far, far, down the road - look, you can almost see it... squint... ah, false alarm, it's just a car) when I'll have some kind of significant other with whom I'm sharing my life and want to leave comfortable should anything ever happen to me.

So help me out… how many of you have some kind of life insurance? Send me an email or leave a comment. I think I have a crazy lead so far… Noogie’s got himself, two homeless guys and my doorman on his side – I have my entire family, my co-workers, Cowgirl and her boyfriend as well as Noogie’s sister and his roommate.

Ah boo, our girl sells out.

2005-11-27T15:08:00.000-05:00

About a year ago, a co-worker mentioned that we were trying to option a song from Canadian songstress, Feist for one of our TV commercials. No-go for us and she had the temerity to turn down MacDonalds too!

Imagine my dismay when today, I'm sitting innocently on my sofa, just vegging in my pjs and watching some Sunday afternoon TV (Little Britain, tee hee) when a Lacoste commercial comes on the tube, set to none other than Feist's own Mushaboom. Gha, another one bites the dust.

Sometimes we all need to have a little work done.

2005-11-26T08:18:00.000-05:00

Time for a new look! Most of the blogs that I read everyday have refreshed their look and I'll admit it - I was jealous.

So here it is... the new version of me. Hope you like it.

Visible minority

2005-11-24T11:39:00.000-05:00

It’s not often that I feel out of place. Yeah, not even sure if I felt out of place so much as the focus of more than my usual share of attention (which is generally quite a bit to begin with…). I was at an industry conference yesterday – 1,100 people, of which maybe (MAYBE) 50 were women. (Aside: oh for frig sakes, please dress professionally! You all know better! You’re all 10 and 15 years older than me! Come on!). Of the 20 or so presenters yesterday, one was a woman.

I’m despairing.

And I'm back...

2005-11-22T14:57:00.000-05:00

Home again, and with luggage, happily. It was a good trip back East, lots of catching up with friends and family, spending time with my mother and grandmother – that sort of thing, as well as to deal with some family business. Aside from work, which was my excuse to travel back, one of the main reasons for the trip was to attend a memorial dedication for my father.

So as many of you know, my father died some 14 years ago – 15 years in early March. This time of year is always a bit of a bummer; its around now that he started to slip out of his very brief remission and we all had to begin to come to terms with what was happening while getting our very young heads around celebrating a last Christmas together. I guess in this context, celebrate isn’t really the word.

I have absolutely no recollection of that last Christmas, other than we had dad home from the hospital for two days and during that brief visit, a friend invited me to go see a movie – I’m pretty sure it was Home Alone (yes, the original!). I remember coming home from the movie, going downstairs and telling him about it. That’s my last memory of him and I having a chat, as such. From that point on, it’s all hospital memories – you know – the ones that haunt me today with the smell and the chill.

Something about this year is tougher than usual. Perhaps it’s because this year is a milestone year for me – I’ve officially lived half my life without him, well, more than half now. I find that he’s on my mind a lot – which is not unusual. What’s different is that I feel much, much more sadness. In a – watching the Barbarian Invasions AGAIN so I can cry and try to clean out that awful feeling that lodges in my chest – kind of way.

So in that same kind of cathartic way, I looked forward to going to the dedication with my mother. Years ago, my father worked for a senior’s housing development and during their recent milestone celebration, they decided to rename one of their main rooms after my father. A lot of his former work colleagues were in attendance, as well as residents that had been there so many years ago when he started working there. It was just one of those things that reminded me how special he was, not just to us, but to so many other people. It also allowed me to reconnect with a lot of these people, and their memories of him and us as children.

It definitely worked to bring things to a head – nothing like facing all of this head-on. And in doing so – in letting all of this sort of wash in and then back out, it laid bare all the other issues that have been collecting behind the scenes, waiting to be dealt with. Although I certainly haven’t solved/resolved all the issues that loom, at least I see them clearly now, and they’re no longer tied into the other emotions. I can be a bit more objective.

So here’s to taking a deep breath and not having it feel like I’m only filling half my lungs. With any luck, I’ll be sleeping through the night regularly soon as well.

Started out fighting, it seems we're on our way to making up.

2005-11-18T11:18:00.000-05:00

So far, the East coast is not as friendly as I remember it…
Ah let’s see… no luggage. Giant spider on my pillow. No stores open beyond 12 AM. Ghetto work car. Death threats to the Air Canada call centre.

Transcript of my call to the Air Canada baggage locator call centre:
BEG: I am not giving you my home address. You’ll send my luggage there instead
Air Canada: M’am, you have to give me your home address. It’s procedure.
BEG: Guarantee me that it won’t end up at my home addresss.
Air Canada: M’am, I cannot guarantee anything.
BEG: I am not giving you my home address.
Air Canada: I cannot process your inquiry unless you give me your home address.
BEG: So help me if you send my bag to my home address, I will come and find you… do you understand me?
Air Canada: Fine, we can process your claim without it.

Turns out that the call centre is in New Delhi, which is likely why I could barely understand what she was saying and also accounted for her nonchalant reaction to my quasi-threats. Good thing for her, because I was ready to kill. The only thing these people are any good at is making people more angry. Anyhow, four flights later, it finally arrived. Too late though, I had to go to the memorial dedication with two-day old clothes. MAD. Every single flight that came in, I was promised that my luggage would be on it. So I waited. After two flights, I went shopping. Do you think I could find anything? No. The only crap that stores have right now is holiday fashions with idiot stuff stuck all over it. Merde. Tears.

However, lesson learned. Through the whole thing, other than my blind rage with the call centre, I was remarkably zen with the actual baggage people at the airport and made quite a few jokes about how under-dressed I was. Normally I can’t shake irate.

Anyhow, I’m freshly dressed in my new Stella McCartney jacket (more on that next week), have a fabulous new haircut/color thanks to my East Coast stylist (and coolest person EVER) and miracle of all miracle… despite sleeping in the spider room last night, I actually slept through the night. Must be the fresh air…

Mmmm, saltines and water.

2005-11-15T12:52:00.000-05:00

Nope, not in prison – just really hung over. Thank you very much, pint night at the Volo. I blame the big, comfy couch. Also, I blame the new cutie waiter boy (who, incidentally MIGHT be on heroin…) – he was very much at our beck and call. Damn his attentiveness and our never-empty glasses.

But despite the evil hangover, last night was great. It was one of those fabulous nights when all the typical conversation barriers get washed away in a flood of beer. Mmmm… beer.

Whooo, anyway… So yeah – the dish. Well, of course I’m not going to spill what we talked about. But I would like to remark upon the fact that there are very, very few people in the world that I connect with in such a way that I can say anything. Even if it embarrasses me. Maybe we’re equally mental? Hmmm… But it got this stuff out of my head, where it’s been essentially running around incessantly (to the point of my not sleeping for the last three weeks – argh).

Now if I could just remember the phone conversation I had last night before I fell asleep… that’s awkward.

Hawaii, where are you?

2005-11-14T16:36:00.000-05:00

Hey Vermont Girl (should I call you Hawaii?)... send me an email... where you at? Where you be? Can Greektown and I come visit????

OUCH! What the eff was that??? Oh yeah... the glass ceiling.

2005-11-14T13:59:00.000-05:00

I love what I do, hate who I work for.

Ever have those days when you are so mad that you want to walk out the door and never look back? Today is one of those days. I’ve been working with a headhunter, but I think it’s time to get aggressive, perhaps throw my resume on Monster or Workopolis. Seriously, I work for the most sexist company in the entire world. Argh.

Guess it’s good to get these little slaps in the face now and again though – keeps the motivation up for leaving. I was honestly on the fence about it for about a year, but the last six months have done nothing except hit me again and again with the need to put this experience behind me. It’s too bad – like so many organizations, you have a ton of great people and one or two people that just make it intolerable.

Neener, Neener, Neener, Neer...

2005-11-08T12:08:00.000-05:00

Somebody kidnapped Jason Schwartzman and turned him into the front-man for the Shout Out Louds. Kinda yummy, great voice. As always, the Mod Club delivered yet another fantastic show with the commensurate number of freaks in attendance. What on earth is it about that venue that brings out the strangest people???

In attendance last night was Hilary Duff’s clone, hanging with tall, awkwardly-dancing guy, several people that had fully co-ordinated dances (they must have been practicing ahead of time… if only we’d known) and the star of the freak-show was a woman – say mid-30’s who was wearing what I swear is my original shaker-knit sweater from back in grade 5 (definitely that size), short black pants with RED stockings and funny platform shoes. Oh and a rubber snake around her neck. My favorite of her dance moves, which also included some line dancing, the runway strut and some swing moves, was by far when she danced in a circle around her less-than-impressed (less-than-drunk, too) friend. Oh, then she did it in reverse. Awesome. And all this before the concert even started. You know you’re in for a good night when…

But back to the show… they played their entire cd and a few B-sides (I love that the singer explained what a B-side was) – not a long show by any means – about an hour with the encore. But wow, the songs were all spot on – vocals were great – I love his voice, all rough and as such. The bass player was a source of endless amusement as he bumbled around on stage, flashing sheepish grins to girls in the front, while the other guitar player hid behind his mushroom cap of unruly hair while rocking out. The drummer was, well, a drummer (sorry all drummers out there…) and the xylophone girl… as Greektown described her… she was the poster-girl for the Sweden Tourism Board. “Why is it that we can hear her singing, but every time she says anything into the microphone, she just mouths the words??” I loved that they played the Comeback as their encore… and yes, I did my dance.

Alright, and now for the show...

2005-11-07T13:02:00.000-05:00

So let’s take a break from the deep thoughts and get to something of perhaps greater interest to all of you… my newfound crush on Ben Lee. Touring on his new album, Awake is the New Sleep, Ben Lee played El Mocambo last night to what Greektown described as the biggest crowd she’s seen in the NEW El-Mo.

I’ll admit – prior to last night, I’d not heard a Ben Lee song. I really had no idea what kind of music it was – I’d just heard of him in reference to other musicians that I enjoy, and he was recommended by someone with similar taste. So when I heard he was playing the El-Mo, it was killing two birds with one stone – see Ben Lee, see a show at the El-Mo (probably the only major music venue I’d not been to in the city).

So we hit the El-Mo around 930, and walked in to New Buffalo, the latest and greatest artist to sign with the Arts & Crafts label (Broken Social Scene’s Kevin Drew’s label). New Buffalo – a blondish Australian import with a rather plaintive voice also opened for Feist (ahead of Jason Collett). I was medium on her then and definitely medium on her last night, other than maybe her last few songs, which were really great.

But the main attraction was, of course, Ben Lee and he did not disappoint. I loved the show! Although he definitely had some Gavin Degraw-type lyrics, the music itself was great and his stage presence was fantastic (despite the fact that he’s teeny-tiny and I could put him in my pocket). At one point he pulled a somewhat heavyset girl up on stage as his muse (cheesy, but at least it wasn’t a skank-type) and she primped and posed throughout the song until the end when he motioned her over the microphone to sing the chorus and out comes this MONSTER voice… ah, hello? Canadian Idol? This was definitely romance-pop, (yes, shut up – I’m inventing genres now…) but very well done. Great show and great sound (although, like the Docks, not great viewing – the stage isn’t high enough). Up tonight – the Shout Out Louds from Sweden (Let’s call it the comeback / Neener, neener, neener, neer…), playing favorite venue, the Mod Club.

I should also get caught up on my film reviews… to date I’ve got A History of Violence (ugh), Where the Truth Lies (ah, what???), Kiss Kiss, Bang, Bang (who knew?! ) and Good Night and Good Luck (if ever I wanted to take up smoking…).

Something to think about.

2005-11-04T12:03:00.000-05:00

I’ve been reading WDKY’s site with rapt attention these last few weeks (ah, especially HNT…) and it has provoked all kinds of thoughts about my current relationship. I wouldn’t say that there are an abundance of similarities, perhaps just a common quest to – I don’t have the right word – hmmm - I’m just at a point where feelings either grow or they don’t. It’s like I want to freeze things where they are until I’m clear. Yeah, don’t I wish that I was some simple-type girl that didn’t analyze everything to death (ha!), but oh well – I am. I’ve always liked blaming past life experience (I guess it’s not really blaming as such, if I feel if makes me a better person) for the oh-so-aggravating need to not waste my time.

Ah, some of you may want to point fingers and say “what about Fanny Pack.” I spent three years with a guy that I was certain wasn’t and would never be “the one” (for absolute lack of a better expression). Well, I didn’t feel that I was wasting my time –I was biding my time. I knew that a transfer to Toronto was imminent and that he wouldn’t be coming with me. The short of it is – I knew that he wouldn’t be an obstacle to my move and if I met someone that I really fell for before I left, that it might screw things up. So I was very upfront with Fanny Pack, told him exactly that I was not going to bring him with me when I left, nor was I going to change my mind about leaving. Which meant that we could either break up or keep seeing each other until I left. As it turned out, that’s what we continued to do for the next nine months.

And that’s really the crux of it – not wanting to waste my time. It has nothing to do with age – I have no ticking clocks – it’s just that – what I’ve learned and adapted from – is simply that I have a finite amount of time and I see no need to throw a huge amount of effort behind something that I’m ultimately (Ha! You think I’m going to say regret – trick’s on you – I don’t believe in regret, only a lesson learned) not going to want or doesn’t fit. And of course, there’s the fact that for the most part, I just want to be happy. All of this – the not wasting time – helps me spend more time enjoying myself. Okay, so I take a few weeks to do some hard thinking, well… at least I’m not spending months or years wondering “hmmm, is this it? Is this what I want?”

Don’t I wish that I could think about these things in real time… decide on the fly – without having to take a mental time-out (but NOT a break!!!) to think things through. But I do. I’m a horribly complicated, high-maintenance girl that always has to think things through. I guess that when your life gets turned upside-down when you’re a kid, all you want for the rest of your life is to be sure.

I can't explain.

2005-11-03T12:12:00.000-05:00

I want to be in a relationship – love and be loved. Don’t have much use for marriage and definitely don’t have children on the brain (sidebar: I have a complicated view on children. I think that one parent should be the full-time parent – if possible even staying at home for a few years, before pre-school – but I know absolutely that I don’t want it to be me. Which leaves me rather limited because not a whole lot of guys are willing to give up a few years of their lives, but I digress.). But in wanting just a good old-fashioned relationship that maybe. eventually. leads to living together (but you can’t say that that’s where you want it to go, because then there’s a timeline imposed – some imaginary clock that starts ticking towards “how do we make two households fit into one?”), am I selling myself short?

It seems to me that the people who want more have an easier time of it. You know, it’s really complicated when it comes right down to explaining that you want a relationship to be going somewhere, but not have any of that tangible ring-on-finger stuff to point towards (oh God, NOT there!!!!)… just a fuzzy “in love” stasis. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not in any rush for any of it – but it occurred to me recently that what I want may not be what most people want. It’s tough – trying to explain that you want more, but not the more that anyone else wants.

Non-sexual life partners are the way to go. None of this messy let’s-get-married stuff (well, except for the aforementioned commitment ceremony which is just and excuse to have a cake buffet, poutine and garlic fingers at midnight and do a choreographed dance).

There are days when you just have to be grateful...

2005-11-02T12:08:00.000-05:00

I had a fantastic meal last night at the Keg Mansion with 601 (check out his blog…) and friends. Got to chat with 601’s mom (remind me again what she is? Something something… nuclear physicist?) and see friends that I don’t often get to see. Amazing, amazing meal. Loved the part when 601 opened one of his gifts and it included a set of army men that he and Sporty set up on the table and so that they could play out what it would be like if the two of them were in a war zone. It involved shooting at barbed wire and the two of them fighting each other a lot. The fake cell phone was a real treat too – if you want more detail on the night, ask Sporty – he was taking notes in his pretty new diary (provided he hasn’t swallowed the key as some kind of army thing).

I’m seeing one of my other favorite bands of the year on Monday night… the Shout Out Louds. Very fun – especially when I do my impression of the Swedish Chef from the Muppets. Oh and also seeing Ben Lee on Sunday night at the El-Mo. MUST get to Rotate This on the weekend to pick up tickets to Belle Orchestre.

I’m getting a free trip to the East Coast for work – I really, really miss my mother and need a dose of SJ Flames. I really want to hang with my grandmother too. (must make hair appointment!!!)

I picked up my new specs yesterday and feel very posh. Why have I never had red frames before?

Someone dropped NBA Raptors tickets on my desk for tonight’s home opener. Whoohoo corporate seats!

Picked up tickets for Jason Collett AND the Stars. I’m actually giddy about seeing the Stars. The STARS!!! At Lee's Palace no less!!!

Things you must not do (even if it is Halloween)

2005-11-01T15:24:00.000-05:00

You must not take anything other than your regular set of keys with you to the parking garage in case they randomly decide to deactivate your fob and you get trapped in the parking garage for 15 minutes until your friend sends the security guard to come get you (‘cause we all know that waving at the security cameras and mouthing the words “I’m trapped” don’t help, nor does the EFFING deactivated intercom system). PS – I HATE that security guard.

You must not eat 4 giant jello shots (jello cups, really) on the subway on the way to the party. Likely not a great idea to eat 5 more when you get to the party.

You must not yell out of the front window of your friend’s house at four guys in leather jackets trying to break into a car. When the robbers turn around to see who’s yelling and everyone else at the window ducks – it’s likely not a great idea to wave at them. Also not helpful to suggest that they break into another car up the street instead of the one in front of the party house (jello shot logic).

You must not ask a 10 year-old boy who’s dressed up as Mogatu from Zoolander to “show me your Blue Steel!” It becomes awkward when the kid has no idea what you’re talking about and the parents usher them away.

You must not judge the trailer-park trick-or-treaters who show up at your door with a 2 year-old child (dressed as a pumpkin!) and the mom, dad and kid all ask for candy.

Yeah, four out of five of these were me (I had an assist on the fifth). I love Halloween. Hopefully my fabulous earmuff hairdo disguised me sufficiently from the robbers.

This is serious...

2005-10-28T12:11:00.000-04:00

Bit of an introspective day, so you’re getting deep thoughts. I’ve now got three movie reviews: Two For The Money, Where The Truth Lies and Kiss, Kiss, Bang Bang – those will be along next week after the Halloween recap.

So what’s it like to grow up? At the ripe young age of 29, (sidebar: the guy I’m dating has been out of high school for 18 years… 18 years!!! You know, there was a time not so long ago when I couldn’t ever imagine relating to someone that old and now I’m well on my way there. Egads.) I have lots of friends that are married, and lots that are still single, but even the single ones are pairing up. It’s interesting because as one of these single ones, I feel like I’m actually beyond the point of dating to settle down. Yeah, that likely doesn’t make sense – what I mean is that I made it past the mid-twenties where everyone and their cat gets married because it’s the thing to do. Now that people have accepted that that scene is just not for me – I can date for pleasure. I don’t have one of those wild biological clocks that tells me it’s 10 minutes to trying to have a baby. My clock only has one time: happy hour. Yeah, fun to be me.

But regardless of not going down the traditional road of university degree, then marriage, then house, then kids – I have still had to face growing up. I left family, friends and a marriage proposal behind to move here and start fresh. I’m now looking at buying a condo (goddam, I just got pre-approved for a mortgage – talk about being damn grown-up), I take at least one international trip per year (last year, two), and I’m getting ready to make a career move – no, not a job change – a career move – something that takes my work to the next level. And nothing makes you feel more grown-up than being in a relationship. Yes damn ALL OF YOU (you know who you are) I’m in a relationship. I didn’t plan to end up here – I somehow took a turn at “dating multiple people at the same time” (that was a fun posting) and ended up here…

Anyhow, the point of all this is that I feel like things are changing. Not in one area particularly, rather across the board. I’m shaking the etch-a-sketch, I guess. After a year and a half in this city, and approaching a rather important birthday next year – I just feel like it’s time to look at my life and decide what’s in and what’s not.

It's Sunday afternoon - let's get wasted!!!

2005-10-27T12:04:00.000-04:00

This past Sunday afternoon, six of us gathered at my local and drank beer – lots of it. This however, was not your ordinary leisurely Sunday drink over late brunch, nor was it a “sports are on, gotta have a beer” situation. This was the Volo Café Cask Days and Greektown, Midtown Girl, the Bride and her fiancé as well as Noogie, all imbibed.

My local has got some of the very best Ontario Craft Beer on tap – a huge selection of draft beer and a staggering beer menu with bottled beer from all over the world (several pages of Belgian Beer, of course). Their beer menu makes the Bier Market and the Beer Bistro (both favorites) a little jealous. Can I also say that I’m so incredibly excited that the staff at the bar not only know me, but know my drink??? Yes kids, I’m officially a Torontonian.

The Volo, having established a great relationship with Ontario brewers, decided to host a one-of-a-kind event – Cask Days. Local brewers put together casks of beer, just for this occasion, and the Volo hosted a sold-out two day event that allowed common folk like myself to taste cask beer for the first time (and incidentally find out what the heck cask beer was – let me tell you – the first taste was a bit of a surprise!), as well as mix and mingle with the beer makers themselves. They also brought in local artisanal cheese and bread vendors, with tastings included in the oh-so-incredibly-cheap price of $15. That’s right - $15 got us tickets to the event, cheese and bread tastings, a souvenir pint glass and five beer tasting tickets.

So what the heck is cask beer??? From the Toronto Star’s Jon Filson: “It can reasonably be considered the purest form of beer. It has to be pumped out of the cask by hand, it's made with all natural ingredients, and it's naturally carbonated… It's called "living ale" because the beer is still fermenting in the cask it's served from. This is called a "secondary fermentation" and the key component of a cask-conditioned ale….What that means is that the beer is "alive," with the yeast still floating around in it. The beer's taste can change on a daily basis as a result. Its presence also means the casks are delicate beings — yeast can get angry, evidently, if disturbed.”

So what an awesome day! I chatted up two hilarious guys, Steve and John, who kindly walked me through what cask beer was, how beer was made and the very basic difference between ale and lager. Oh, and they’re the ones who suggested the Princess Leia idea. Greektown also chatted up the author of a book on downtown restaurants (she’s fun when she’s drunk!) and the two of us shouldered (okay, maybe just I shouldered) a couple of old-timers in order to sit with them for a while.

From my perspective, as a novice beer drinker, it gave me a much better understanding of what I was drinking. It was only after years of going to wine festivals and asking questions, tasting multiple wines and comparing them, that I became as comfortable as I am around red wines. Now that I have an additional passion (odd, that all my passions involve alcohol??? Okay, not all my passions – I’m currently stalking a Nine West handbag), it was only time that I learned a bit more about it… and now have a bit more to talk about with the staff of the restaurant – you know, other than, “can I please have another Blanche de Chambly?”

Halloween... costume shopping and the cake buffet

2005-10-26T13:40:00.000-04:00

So I’m hosting a bit of Halloween thing – nothing serious, just some friends, costumes and lots of drinks. Greektown and I are sort of using it as a dry-run for our non-sexual life partner commitment ceremony (it’s a long story… it involves us getting to register, having a choreographed dance, Greektown running the music off her iPod all night and a midnight poutine buffet – and likely has a much better chance than anyone else’s marriage because we don’t live together and we have sex with other people).

Anyhow… So I’m planning the requisite jello shots (of course!), grapes injected with alcohol, oranges injected with alcohol and the crowning touch – a build-your-own-cake buffet. Yes, that’s right. We’re putting together various cakes, many varieties of icings and a wide selection of sprinkles and other toppings (whipped cream, syrup). Yeah, you want to come to my party don’t you?? I guess it’s just about finding some new way to entertain people. Think I might also throw in this dessert wine I’ve been holding on to for the longest time. All told, it should be a helluva night, if only for the food and drink!

I just have to sew my damn costume, put the hair accessories together and find a giant machine gun prop. Oh, yeah – I’m Princess Leia.

Shut the F*** up and die! O-69. Is anybody close???

2005-10-25T12:05:00.000-04:00

So said Shirley at Dirty Bingo last night. Of course, we were the darlings of Dirty Bingo, given our very natural enthusiasm for all things, well, dirty. I’m very (very, very) happy to say that I actually won a dirty bingo prize – the Elephant Pounder, (very LARGE, very complicated vibrator...) Scandalized? You should be!!

I mean really – what better way to spend a rainy Monday night than dinner at one of my favorite Toronto restaurants – the Beer Bistro (OMG, cheese fondue), followed up by dirty bingo at the Living Well Café? Shirley, a rather surly drag queen, hollers out numbers while teetering behind the bar, pounding back irish-type coffees and heckling the crowd. Many, many people were accused of having the Syph and we were frequently encouraged to carpet-munch the birthday girl.

Being from the East Coast, I grew up in the bingo culture, although no one in our family ever played. My first bingo experience was when Fanny Pack and I rented a cottage in Tatamagouche one summer and headed into town to play bingo with the locals at the rec centre. Good times!

So really, this was like any other bingo experience, other than the fact that the prizes were not pots of money, but rather sex toys. OH good times. Our game was cut a bit short because a few of the girls around us decided to quit screwing around and straight up bought two of the fancy rabbit-something vibrators instead of taking their chances on a win. Altogether a fabulous night – there’s always something to do downtown!!! And when there’s not… ER, well – I now have an Elephant Pounder…

In case my GD laptop goes on a crack binge, blacks out and stops working forever AGAIN

2005-10-21T14:31:00.000-04:00

So a few weeks back, my laptop died. It sputtered a bit, (kinda like a crack whore sputters… never mind) and I managed to hurry off most of my personal files, but all of my internet links and my entire iTunes database went the way of my dead hard drive. So thanks to a great iTunes software program from the UK, I was able to restore to my new iTunes all of the songs that were on my iPod Mini. So I’m left with some re-formatting and I have to re-do my playlists, but at least I only have to re-import about 500 songs to be back up and running instead of the full 1500.

Finding all of my internet links was another matter… Today, I finally found the last two of my favorite lost links. So this never happens again, I’m including for you all, a list of my favorite blog sites – because I love them and also so that if anything like this ever happens again, I’ll have record of them as well.

Here they are: my favorite sites: (in no particular order)
15 Minute Lunch - this guy turns your frown upside-down - my stomach hurts from laughing
Popped Culture - want to know about all that is wrong with the entertainment world? He’s got ya
My Blog Has A First Name, it’s O-S-C-A-R – rants from my Mexi-doppelganger in San Antonio, Texas.
Scandal Sheet - your celeb gossip hookup - she knows everything!
Okay Seriously - love, love, love this site – she kills me. How many times have I composed notes like that in my head???
Some Words – yowzah, read the entry about her one-night stand. Girl Crush!
What Doesn’t Kill You… - he’s a regular old boy crush – and the first site that I saw Half Naked Thursday on…

Also of interest: (in other words: I’ve just found them and think they’re going to be fun…)
New York Moments
This Fish Needs A Bicycle
Nice Guys Finish Last

So add these to your reading list – particularly the top guys and if you get a chance, I highly recommend going back in time on 15 Minute Lunch to see his childhood artwork… I laughed so hard that I cried.

Salsa, what??

2005-10-20T14:14:00.000-04:00

So I’m scouting for a gym. I’m currently trying out a private gym in my ‘hood to see what they’re classes are like and to see if it’s worth the hefty $50/month membership fee (I’m such a baby, used to my good old $30/month from back east!). My other option is the YMCA down the street – which definitely has many more options, but is a hell of a lot busier.

Anyhow, I wanted to try a few classes at each gym before committing to 12 month memberships (any wonder why I’m still goddamn single? I have commitment issues with not only hairstylists, but also with gym memberships. I believe they call this: absolutely hopeless…). So I showed up for what appeared to me to be one of the most promising classes – the Cardio Salsa. OMG, what a disaster. You all know that I am somewhat challenged in the co-ordination department (that’s why I choose running as my main sport – God I can’t wait until my knee / IT band is better!!), well, me + cardio salsa = me making a fool of myself.

There were about 4 of us in this particular class and we were mid-way through the routine when this 70 year-old granny shows up and hello - Beetlejuice called - he wants his outfit back (it kind of worked out in my favor, because from that point on, I could claim that I was dizzy from her pants and couldn’t follow the instructor), and within about 3 minutes is dry humping the air like she’d just moved from South America. Boo Hiss. Oh yeah, unlike most dance studios that I’ve been in, this one was open for the whole cardio floor to watch us… they should be paying me for doubling their workout results – they did their cardio while laughing at me… Did I mention that this whole cardio salsa business is pretty skanky – lots of hip gyrations and shimmying. Ah, and the shaking of the boobs. Bitter.

So the ultimate humiliation was when I was walking out of the studio with the instructor and thanking her for the class and apologizing for being so terrible and she walked me over to the schedule board and suggested that I try yoga.

I broke the price barrier...

2005-10-19T11:51:00.000-04:00

I love clothing, shoes, handbags (especially handbags) and all things accessories. In addition to being an artsy film/music nerd, I’m also a clotheshorse. It’s evil, really. The only way that I can fiscally manage all of these expensive habits is by being quite choosy about what I buy and rarely ever paying the sticker price. Yeah, that’s right – I stalk clothing until it goes on sale.

So this past weekend, I broke with my very sensible shopping habits and blew $200 (well, $193) on a pair of Guess jeans. I don’t think I’ve ever bought anything from the Guess store in my entire life, but man, these are the ass-lover of all jeans. I think I’m a little in love with myself in these things. Typically, running sneakers are the only item I’d spend more than $150 on. So don’t be shy about staring at my ass the next time you see me, it makes the $200 seem worth it. Go ahead… look at it! Love it! (But please ask before touching…)

JC is the new K-OS

2005-10-18T13:49:00.000-04:00

He didn’t quite give me the elevator, so much as stagger in my direction while giving me the once-over with one somewhat bloodshot eye. He belted back the rest of what looked like rye, and tripped over his own feet on his way out the door. Girls and boys… K-OS.

As you all know, we’ve been ardent fans of K-OS for quite some time (although through the duration of this period, he’s been dead to me – Greektown called dibs). I think last night’s combo of yet another great performance from Jason Collett versus K-OS being stinking drunk did in whatever was left of the wholehearted fan-dom. I mean, he’s not dead to us or anything, I’m sure we’ll be back on the bandwagon when they put out a new album, but for the interim, we’re done. Jason Collett is the new K-OS. And in keeping with that, we’ll be seeing him for the third (my third, Greektown’s fourth) time when he plays Lee’s Palace in December.

Anyhow, last night was the Feist show, featuring Jason Collett as one of the two openers. New Buffalo (seemed okay) was the first up, with JC in the middle. It was a good set, marred only by the rather lackluster enthusiasm from the crowd. By the time we got to JC’s full length set, the crowd was definitely ready for the lady of the evening. Nevertheless, he put on a great show – especially his rendition of Hangover Days with Leslie Feist herself. The tune with Ms. Feist playing drums was also awesome (totally had a girl crush).

Feist was the biggest surprise for me. I’ve had her album for about a year now, and expected her to be kind of drippy – you know – kind of sappy. I was in no way prepared for her voice or her rockin’ out attitude throughout the show. For much of it, she was a one-woman show, doing some really amazing techie-stuff called “looping” (?), where she basically used a sound board and separate mic to record her own background vocals / harmony and guitar. I’ve never seen anything like it. Her rendition of the Bee Gees song Inside Out blew me away, with the whole of JC’s band and New Buffalo coming out to sing along, choir-style. On the whole, I was absolutely amazed by her talent, voice and stage presence. This was $30 extremely well spent and she’s won me over as a full-on fan.

Death Cab at the Kool Haus

2005-10-17T13:00:00.000-04:00

Death Cab For Cutie - DCFC…. You know when you have super-high expectations for something and amazingly, it still delivers? Saturday night’s DCFC show at the Kool Haus was that kind of show. I’ve been listening to them for about a year now, first their cd Transatlanticism and now their latest, Plans. Both cds are amazing. The show was incredible. The Kool Haus has been home to a few disappointing shows over the past year, but this one more than made up for it…yeah, I know… gush, gush. Interesting crowd too – the older, hipster gang was there – you know them – the “we’ve followed them from the beginning” people, as were an interesting mix of what I’d call everyday people (like me) and the under-18 crowd.

For a pretty mellow sounding group, these guys were remarkably energetic on stage, at one point even staging a drum-battle between the main singer and the drummer. Yeah, hard to picture if you know the band, but very entertaining. The vocals were – as Greektown so accurately described them – cd quality, which when you think about it, is pretty incredible given how high he sings. Overall, the set list, the sound, stage presence and their – I don’t know – grateful attitude? The sum was a fantastic set from a mature band at the top of their game. We went in with really high expectations and were well rewarded. Favorite moment of the night? The first song of the encore – I will follow you into the dark – completely carried me away and goes down as one of my favorite concert moments.

In an aside… we were at a movie last night (Two For The Money) and while waiting in line for popcorn, I realized that the song I was humming along to a Death Cab song. That’s right, Death Cab at the Famous Players…

Next up – Jason Collett and Feist at the Danforth Music Hall tonight. Starting to feel like a bit of a JC stalker, but whatev – he’s sooooo good. Have I harassed you about buying the cd yet? Do it!! (Do it, just do it. Do it. Do it.)

All You Need To Know About... A History of Violence

2005-10-12T17:19:00.000-04:00

Movie: A History of Violence
Director: David Cronenberg
Writer: Josh Olsen, adapted from the graphic novels by John Wagner and Vince Locke
Distributor: Alliance Atlantis
Website: http://www.historyofviolence.com/
Characters:
Viggo Mortensen: Tom Stall
Maria Bello: Edie Stall
Ed Harris: Carl Fogarty
William Hurt: Richie Cusack
Ashton Holmes: Jack Stall
Peter MacNeill: Sheriff Sam Carney

Plot: A History of Violence stars Viggo Mortensen as a pillar of a small town community who runs a diner and lives a happy and quiet life with his wife (Maria Bello) and two children. But their lives are forever changed when Mortensen thwarts an attempted robbery and is lauded as a hero by the media, attracting the attention of some mobsters (William Hurt and Ed Harris) who believe he is someone else.

Comments: (mild spoiler?) I really wanted to like this film. It got such great reviews from the Cannes festival and good buzz at the TIFF, that it wasn’t in fact until about three-quarters through that I realized… I do not like this AT ALL. Greektown, Noogie and I saw this film last night and both Greektown and I disliked it, for mostly similar reasons. Noogie, comparing this to a modern Western, as many reviewers did, liked it. He also suggested that we didn’t like it because we were girls, but lets not let this get ugly…

My thoughts? I found it campy. I though Ed Harris was a caricature of a mobster. William Hurt was horrible. Although the violence was gratuitous, it wasn’t really a problem for me. What I resented was that the story was about a character – Tom, who goes to great pains to leave a shadowy life behind and start fresh and live well, then when confronted with violence from his past, reverts immediately to his old self and then expects to be welcomed back as good old Tom when it’s all over with (does anyone else think that you can kill that many mobsters and then sashay back home and live a peaceful life again??? Helloooo?). It was stupid – what woman would welcome a man like that back into her life and family?

What I really didn’t like about this is that it suggested that violence is an acceptable means to an end, provided that you’re only knocking off other “bad guys.” The ultimate triumph of “good over evil” when good isn’t remotely good, sucked. If you care to engage in lively debate, see it and offer your perspective…

Another one bites the dust...

2005-10-11T12:56:00.000-04:00

What is it with the women in my family? I’m in the minority again, the only one in the group that’s actually dating someone. My baby sister, who started seeing someone around the same time I did, just called it quits – thereby throwing the balance off again. It’s interesting… my mother’s mother has been single since her early 40’s when she divorced her husband. Come to think of it, my father’s mother never remarried after my grandfather died.

I find it kind of fascinating actually, that none of us have settled down. Granted we’re not any of us very old – I’m the eldest and the youngest is nearly mid-twenties. I guess by East coast standards, it’s quite odd that we’re all still single – based on my friends, the average age for women to marry seems to be 23-25. More odd still, is that none of us has that marriage-bug. All of us are for the most part content to do our own thing. Well, that’s not entirely true – the middle sister would like to settle down. I’d like her to pick a gender to date first though…

But unlike the east coast “vetting rituals” (as I like to call dating out there), which involve mostly dating a guy to see if he’s marriage-appropriate, we’re all rather living our lives and fitting the guys in instead of fitting our lives around the guy. Not exactly the norm.

Ah well, I guess I’m used to being odd-man-out in the family – I’m always single when everyone else is coupled up. I do wonder though – will there be a time when all of us are paired up at the same time?

Things that make me MAD

2005-10-07T13:01:00.000-04:00

So I’m out with a friend last night, having a beer at the Volo (OMG, they know us now!!! I’m officially a Torontonian!!! The waitress even knew what beer I wanted!!!) and we get on the topic of this girl he knows and how she’s dying to get engaged. No, what he actually said was “She’s a breeder.” Not as in, she raises dogs or horses, as in “she really wants to have kids.”

OMG, I’ve never heard anything quite as insulting as that. What a HORRIBLE way to describe a woman who wants to have children! So long story short, I got really mad, might have raised my voice a little and called him a chauvinist. Deserved, I think – see below for the dictionary definition:

breed·er n.
1. A person who breeds animals or plants.
2. An animal kept to produce offspring.
3. Offensive Slang. A heterosexual person.
4. A source or cause: social injustice a breeder of revolutions.
5. A breeder reactor.

Even if that woman’s life goal was to have a lot of children, is it any reason to assume that as soon as she does, she ceases to exist as anything other than “someone who pops out a lot of kids?” I am hugely offended by this. I can’t think of any more wonderful, selfless, courageous job in the world than being a mother (make no mistake – I am not wonderful, selfless (HA!!!) or that brave!!). It makes me furious to think that people still demean a woman who chooses to devote herself to raising children at – most of the time – huge expense to her own life and career.

Yup, still mad.

Happy Birthday Mr. Keith

2005-10-06T15:54:00.000-04:00

So the day at least got better yesterday – Last night I went to the Leafs Home Opener!! Sporty Spice (who’s working his way into being called “Alison” for the rest of the hockey season) took me to the game – too much fun! We met with friends for drinks before-hand at the downtown Jack Astors then headed for more beer at the ACC. And more beers, and more beers. So much for my resolve to be somewhat well behaved?? Thanks for that Sporty…

Anyhow, amazing game, the first NHL sudden-death shoot-out of the new rules. The seats were great – center ice – and the beer – well great. My highlight? Definitely Stompin’ Tom singing “The Good Old Hockey Game” – the coolest thing ever.

So I was sitting next to this girl – about my age – and her boyfriend (picture: a rather loud printed shirt and about 20 years her/our senior). She kept getting mad because this fat guy in our aisle kept squeezing out and in the 2nd, he pushed past us with 47 seconds left. Ass. So she gets a bit mad and mouths off to him (he ignores her) – as he squeezes past me, I say “wow, that’s a teeeeeny bladder” – the girl kills herself laughing.

After the last break, the girl’s boyfriend comes back to the seats with a McCabe (?) jersey as a gift for her. She’s ecstatic and makes a big deal about it. As she’s holding it up in front of her, I elbow Sporty in the ribs and say “see, he bought her a jersey! We’re fighting!” The girl leans over and starts giving Sporty the gears… at the end of the period, when the Senators score their second goal to tie it up, she looks at him and says “maybe if you’d bought her a jersey, we wouldn’t be tied right now.” Even I wouldn’t have made that leap in logic, but clearly it was all Sporty’s fault.

Anyhow, many, many beers later (should have known – Leafs game AND it was Alexander Keiths 210th birthday!), we were happily tearing an Irish Poutine apart at the Irish Embassy. Never had one of those? I encourage you to double up on your cholesterol meds and head over – French fries, garlic mayo and about a pound of cheddar cheese. Best. Fries. Ever.

Great day...

Goddamn what a stressful week!

2005-10-05T11:56:00.000-04:00

The last few months and particularly the last few weeks have been crazy busy at work. I don’t know what happened except that I leave late every night and never feel like I’ve gotten everything done.

So all of that aside, my big stress this week has been my grandmother and mother both going in for surgery (at different hospitals). My grandmother was in on Monday and my mother went in yesterday. It sucks being so far away with all of that going on. Luckily my brother is still out East and was great about being the main contact this week.

So, despite being seriously overworked, those nurses are so great about taking a few minutes to bring me up to speed. My grandmother’s nurse was fantastic – I asked her if my grandmother wanted a tv, and I wanted to make sure that she had enough money with her and off the nurse went to double check. It’s such a relief! And the same was true of my mother’s nurse, she had all the post-op details, knew that mom’s therapeutic touch person had been with her in the recover room, etc.

So it seems as though everything went as well as it possibly could and both will be released in the next day or so. My brother will be pretty busy going between their houses, but otherwise, things should be good. And on my end, I’m amazed at how much a person can get done from so far away. It’s the first time anything like this has happened and now I know it’s manageable.
Whew…

I kind of got a speeding ticket...

2005-10-04T12:56:00.000-04:00

I got a damn speeding ticket on Saturday (allow me to re-iterate that I HATE driving in the city), while heading to pick up my sister for a trip to IKEA. The cop nailed me in a speed trap just past a school. Note to all Toronto drivers: it is always 40 km / hr in front of schools. Yeah, I had no idea – it’s not like that out east and I don’t pass any school zones on my way to work, so guess I missed that. So the cop pulls me over and tells me he caught me doing 58km/hr. At this point I had no idea the speed limit in the area was 40 km/hr, so I kind of thought it was funny that he was stopping me for a big 8 km/hr over the limit…

Anyhow, he asks me if I want to come over and see the radar machine because he’s saved my speed in the machine. Of course I want to see this! So he walks me through how the machine works – shows me my speed, shows how far I was from the radar when he caught me. Then he tells me to look through the little window. “See that red laser dot? That’s where your car was when I caught you.” “Maybe this is a dumb question, but the red laser dot is right on the white line between the two lanes. How do you know that you clocked my car?” He smiled. “I guess that’s something you’d want to bring up in court.” Hmmm.

Anyhow, I ended up not being able to find my registration anywhere so he let me off the hook for that, but gave me a ticket for speeding. “Don’t pay this,” he said. “Book a court date, come and see me that day and I’ll give you a break on the points. If you pay the ticket today, you lose 3 points immediately. Don’t do that. I’ll give you a break and all you’ll have to do is pay the $60 fine.” This is like no ticket I’ve ever gotten! So off I went, with my sort-of ticket… That’s the least mad I’ve ever been about something like that…

I'll Say It Again...

2005-09-30T12:04:00.000-04:00

I love Jason Collett!
Last night’s show at the Phoenix was amazing. Fantastic! Jason Collett opened for Metric last night, sandwiched in between the headliner and a band called Lovely Feathers (okay… kinda meh). We arrived (after yet another fantastic meal at the Living Well on Yonge Street – best catfish ever!) just in time for me to pick up a JC cd and have him sign it.

He took the stage with a bassist, two other guitarists, a drummer, keyboard guy and two guys on pipes (Sax and trombone – think the sax player was from the Stills? The keyboard guy might have been from the Stars?). Oh, and he was also joined on vocals by the girl from the Stars and Kevin Drew of Broken Social Scene. There are no words.

He worked his way through an amazing set – mostly songs from his new album, Idols of Exile (which, if you don’t have it – why don’t you have it? What’s wrong with you? Order it now!) and joined at one point on stage by a very un-glammed Emily Haines of Metric for my favorite song on the album, Hangover Days. I’ve listened to the cd many, many times and never really caught the Dylan quality of his voice or the early Van Morrison sound of his music until I’d heard it live. This was hands-down one of the best shows I’ve seen in a while – he is spectacular live. Which is great news, because apparently he’s opening for Leslie Feist in October. How excited am I??

It's an honor just to be nominated...

2005-09-29T14:18:00.000-04:00

Generally I’m pretty crabby when I’m sick, but this has been quite a week. I mentioned to a former co-worker a few weeks back that I was starting to consider making a move to a new company. Nothing I was ready to do in the next month or so, but I had made the decision to start looking and basically planned on taking the next year to explore my options, with the objective of being somewhere by summer of next year.

I’m kind of averaging a call per week from headhunters. Nothing so far looks like the perfect fit and at my age, when you make a move, it’s got to count. I plan to spend at least three and hopefully five years working my ass off for the next company and it’s got to be perfect. But still, it’s an honor just to be nominated!

In other news…

2005-09-28T13:10:00.000-04:00

Metric is coming out with a new album, as are Broken Social Scene. Greektown keeps bragging about the fact that she already has the BSS cd on her iPod. Boo hiss. On a weirder note, Buck 65 is touring with the Barenaked Ladies (Massy Hall). Love Buck 65 but I would NEVER have put the two together. Gotta say that I’m thrilled that he’s going to get so much mainstream exposure and thanks to BNL for picking up on such a great East Coast talent!!

I am super-pumped about the Leafs home opener – against Ottawa – next week. Sporty got tix and for some crazy reason decided to take me. FYI Sporty, Wednesday night is also the 30th birthday of Alexander Keiths and we are SO going out for many more beers post-game. UNB Alumni have a thing at Fionn McCools and I think we should meet up with Greektown there – then you’ll really know what partying with maritimers is really all about (as if playing “Bar/Home” really tells you…).

Finally, Halloween. Are you pumped? Are you ready? A friend of mine invited me to his Villains and Heroes party and though I don’t plan to attend, I am totally stealing the idea. I love that this city is big enough to get away with that!! So gang, start thinking about costumes and FYI, in case you didn’t hear my declaration last night at dinner… I AM WONDER WOMAN. (Can anyone tell me what she wears, other than red and blue and the all important tiara??)

Finally! The Horseshoe... and in other news...

2005-09-26T13:09:00.000-04:00

As an avid concertgoer, I’ve been to nearly every significant indie venue in the city… with the exception of both the Horseshoe and the Rivoli. Well, now it’s just the Rivoli left to conquer as I saw Montreal band Boy on Saturday night at the Horseshoe. The venue was great – teeming with musical history – and the band was fantastic. We saw Boy as the opener for Ambulance Ltd. a few months back at the Mod Club and shortly after that show, I ordered their latest disc from Amazon.

Here is something that intrigues me… at every single show that I’ve been to and stood close to the front, there has been some kind of really crazy-dancing guy. They range from full-on flailing to humping the speakers to my favorite guy who pounded on the amps while head-banging (Mod Club of course, they have the best crazy dancers and the best venue from which to observe them). Who are these people? They all look normal, and yet there they are, head-banging to really, really, un-head-banger type-music. I don’t get it. But please don’t stop because Greektown and I really enjoy the entertainment.

My new favorite game of spot the strippers during Saturday’s shift change has been slightly changed to spot the hooker on the subway train. Greektown and I have a bit of a guilty pleasure playing spot-the-stripper… we’re rarely wrong and it’s really quite a fun game. Well, Friday night I was on the subway heading West and this woman got on the train at Ozzington station. She wasn’t dressed provocatively at all, but something about her face/makeup just gave her away. The gig was up when she got off the train at Lansdowne Station. I am sad that this is one of my newly acquired Toronto skills.

In other news, Sunday afternoon was spent with Greektown and the Bride at Word On The Street at Queen’s Park. It was a bit disappointing – I thought that there would be better deals. I did however pick up a subscription to Toronto Life Magazine and Richard Wright’s book Adultery. That goes on the pile... We followed up our tour through the park with dinner at my new favorite restaurant, the Volo Café. Yummy, yummy beer, I must say. I’m really looking forward to their Cask Days in October.

3 Reasons To Love Hockey

2005-09-23T12:00:00.000-04:00

So last night I went to my very first NHL game – the Toronto Maple Leafs vs. the Montreal Canadiens. I somehow sweet-talked my boss into coughing up the corporate seats for this pre-season game (I’ll never get the seats during the season – customers have a bit more sway) and took a few of my favorite people. After quite a wildly busy week (3-day trade show out of town, my laptop hard drive crashed and died and an all-round busy work week), a night out with the boys at a hockey game was just the fix. Now, I don’t think that hockey is going to take the place of baseball, but the sport does have a few things going for it:

Hot men wearing business suits (girl kryptonite)
Bigger beer than the Skydome (ahem, Rogers Center – that’s another thing – the damn place doesn’t change names…)
It is completely acceptable to scream at the players.

Baseball is still my number one, but hockey is definitely more fun than basketball. Go Leafs!!

L'Enfant

2005-09-23T11:57:00.000-04:00

Programme: Masters
Director: Jean-Pierre Dardenne, Luc Dardenne
Country : Belgium/France
Year : 2005
Language : French
Time: 100 minutes
Production Company: Les Films du Fleuve/Archipel 35/RTBF/Scope Invest/ARTE France Cinéma
Executive Producer: Olivier Bronckart
Producer: Jean-Pierre Dardenne, Luc Dardenne, Denis Freyd
Screenplay: Jean-Pierre Dardenne, Luc Dardenne
Cinematography: Alain Marcoen
Editor: Marie-Hélène Dozo
Production Designer: Igor Gabriel
Sound: Jean-Pierre Duret, Benoit de Clerck, Thomas Gauder
Principal Cast: Jérémie Renier, Déborah François, Jérémie Segard, Fabrizio Rongione, Olivier Gourmet

The inspiration for L'Enfant - which received the Palme d'Or at this year's Festival de Cannes - was a young mother frantically pushing a pram. Jean-Pierre and Luc Dardenne saw the woman and her baby day after day during the shooting of Le Fils, their previous film. Her recurring appearance and aimless manner made them wonder, Where was the child's father?

L'Enfant proceeds from this question. It begins as wispy, eighteen-year-old Sonia (Déborah François) looks for Bruno (Jérémie Renier), the father of her newborn son. When she finds him, he scarcely acknowledges their child, though he is coyly happy to see Sonia. Rakish and cynical, the twenty-year-old Bruno works hard to avoid a conventional job; theft and petty crime are more his style. Perpetually cash-strapped - Bruno has even sublet their apartment during Sonia's hospital stay - the couple is forced onto an unpromising road to parenthood by way of a homeless shelter.

L'Enfant's setting is the Belgian town of Seraing, the bleak industrial wasteland that is a hallmark of the Dardennes' films. Still, the film luxuriates in intimately observed gestures and fiercely honest performances that shine against this backdrop of undernourished hopes. Festival audiences will remember Renier from 1996's La Promesse, which L'Enfant somewhat wistfully evokes. In La Promesse, he played Igor, a teen who makes the difficult decision to disobey his criminal father, thereby embracing both morality and maturity. L'Enfant's Bruno is Igor's inverse: he may think his choices are the best or only ones, but they are born from delusions of maturity and are unconscionably self-serving. When he eventually takes an interest in his son, it is to decide to sell him into adoption as a bitter quick fix to financial straits.

Bruno, we realize, is the eponymous child of this tale, and it is the consequences that his decisions wreak on his tiny, fragile family and on his future that make the unfolding of L'Enfant so achingly beautiful.

MY THOUGHTS:
What a great way to end the festival… this was also a fantastic film. I felt somewhat skeptical going into the film; oddly enough I have lower expectations of films that win great awards – don’t want to be disappointed, I guess. Anyhow, never have I seen a character transform quite like this in a film. You don’t get any more burned out than Bruno, who dispassionately sells his newborn child to a shifty “adoption” person and commits petty crimes for a living (even turning down a lucrative job offer because only losers hold real jobs). The film definitely lived up to the hype of a major award and was heartfelt without being weepy or sermonizing.

The End Is Near

2005-09-19T16:06:00.000-04:00

Only Saturday’s film left to review after this – despite my waning interest in sitting in a movie theatre come Friday afternoon, I saw three incredible films over the weekend. All three were character films (but of course), however L’Enfant, which I saw on Saturday was somewhat more plot intensive. Following are my reviews of Transamerica with Felicity Huffman and La vie avec mon pere with Raymond Bouchard of the film La grande seduction (Seducing Dr. Lewis).

Transamerica

2005-09-19T16:03:00.000-04:00

Programm: Contemporary World Cinema
Director: Duncan Tucker
Country: USA
Year: 2005
Language: English
Time: 100 minutes
Production Company: Belladonna Productions
Executive Producer: William H. Macy
Producer: Linda Moran, Rene Bastian, Sebastian Dungan
Screenplay: Duncan Tucker
Cinematography: Stephen Kazmierski
Editor: Pam Wise
Production Designer: Mark White
Sound: Griffin Richardson, Lou Bertini
Music: David Mansfield
Principal Cast: Felicity Huffman, Kevin Zegers, Fionnula Flanagan, Elizabeth Peña, Graham Greene

Living in Los Angeles, our transsexual heroine Bree (Felicity Huffman) is a week away from the procedure that will make her a woman at last. Then she gets a phone call from New York. A young man jailed for turning tricks has named Bree as his father: does she want to come and bail him out? Bree realizes that Toby (Kevin Zegers) must be the result of a barely recalled episode of early sexual experimentation. When her therapist (Elizabeth Peña) threatens to withhold the signature approving surgery unless she makes peace with the past, Bree takes the first flight to Manhattan.

Bree doesn’t count on feeling the tug of parental responsibility, but when Toby mistakes her for a kind-hearted church worker, she can’t bring herself to tell him the truth. He wants to go to California to start over; she plans to ditch him with his stepfather in Kentucky. At cross purposes, this unlikely pair sets out on what will prove to be a rollicking road trip across America.

What ensues is a compressed course in parenthood for Bree, a lesson in trust for Toby and a trunk-load of fun for the viewer. The charming, offbeat, often wry humour in the film stems from the heroic efforts of each to keep their secrets from the other, and their facades become increasingly more difficult to maintain as they encounter a hippie hitchhiker, an affable rancher (Graham Greene) and, in a moment of desperation, Bree’s frenetic parents in Arizona. Nothing, absolutely nothing, goes as planned on this trip.

Huffman has created an extraordinary character in Bree, about as far from her lipstick-lined suburbanite of “Desperate Housewives” as one could possible imagine. She is well-matched by lanky Zegers as Toby, whose belligerent insouciance masks a scared, damaged boy. Finding the right balance between the obvious farce and melodrama inherent in this situation is a challenge; director Duncan Tucker perfectly modulates the film’s tone, proving himself to be a subtle and respectful chronicler of these unusual, lovable and all-too-human characters.

MY THOUGHTS:
Felicity Huffman is sooooo pretty! I only said that about a dozen times during the screening… Kevin Zegers wasn’t so bad either (dead to me – Greektown’s type, not mine). All non-sexual crushes aside, this was a fantastic film. The film was very well written AND acted with both Huffman and Zegers absolutely convincing in their roles. More importantly, the combo of great writing and acting made for a really touching story that I felt invested in throughout.

The film itself deals with transexuality, prostitution, drug abuse, sexual abuse and just about anything else you can think of, and all of these things are extremely remote from my life experience, and yet I felt close to the story because the film did such a wonderful job of inviting you in and showing you the intimate details and struggles of their lives. This is a must-see and well worth risking my neck on the drive from Menno-town on Friday afternoon in blinding rain.

La Vie avec mon pere (Life With My Father)

2005-09-19T15:58:00.000-04:00

Programme: Contemporary World Cinema
Director: Sebastien Rose
Country: Canada
Year: 2005
Language: French
Time: 110 minutes
Production Company: Max Films
Executive Producer: Eric Brach
Producer: Roger Frappier, Luc Vandal
Screenplay: Sébastien Rose, Stéfanie Lasnier
Cinematography: Nicolas Bolduc
Editor: Dominique Fortin
Production Designer: Serge Bureau
Sound: François Senneville, Marcel Pothier, Michel Descombes, Réjean Juteau
Music: Pierre Desrochers, Nathalie Boileau
Principal Cast: Raymond Bouchard, Paul Ahmarani, David La Haye, Hélène Florent

This drama about two brothers and their errant father is a bittersweet tale of reconciliation that shows it is never too late to make peace with the past. Sébastien Rose’s sophomore film after the award-winning Comment ma mère accoucha de moi durant sa ménopause adeptly straddles the divide between comedy and tragedy. It also builds on strong performances from his entire cast, notably an exemplary Raymond Bouchard as the bohemian, larger-than-life patriarch who suddenly reappears in the lives of his two grown sons.

The pair are polar opposites: Paul (Paul Ahmarani) is a thirty-something writer who cannot seem to succeed and is suffering from a bad case of writer’s block, while Patrick (David La Haye) is a hard-charging business executive who runs a pharmaceutical company. Slick Patrick luxuriates in a sleek, modern home with his wife and children, while Paul lives with his girlfriend in the decrepit family home, where rooms are stacked with junk, things don’t work and dust covers every surface. When their father, François, a renowned writer, suddenly shows up, Paul is forced to take him in. François has seen better days: he is a physically and financially broken man, but he takes no prisoners and it is not long before he casts his spell over all who come his way. When Patrick is ousted by his long-suffering wife and finds himself on his brother’s doorstep, the three men are reunited and forced to come to terms with each other.

Rose keeps his film moving along briskly with a number of finely constructed comic set-pieces, all played with relish and verve. When François moves in, Christmas acquires a certain glow, dull parties take unexpected turns and even his bout of impotence produces comical results. But despite the amusing hijinks of La Vie avec mon père, there is a darker thread running throughout: the old lion is wrestling with his mortality, a transition Rose depicts with fine sensitivity. Absent fathers were commonplace in the Quebec cinema of the sixties and seventies; nowadays they once again seem to be everywhere, as a younger generation struggles with their legacies.

MY THOUGHTS:
Another exceptional film. Very similar to Denis Arcand’s Les Invasions Barbares (The Barbarian Invasion) in terms of the relationship between father and son. During the Q & A, someone made mention of the similarity and Rose’s comments were simply that within Québec at the moment, there is a crisis in the family identity and he and Arcand each address the issue within the framework of their films. Hmmm…

Anyhow, all similarities aside, La Vie Avec Mon Père is less overtly political than Arcand’s film was – there are no allusions to the domination / invasion of English-speaking North America and Rose’s film does not touch on the decaying health care system in any detail. Rather, the film is exclusively about the relationship between the two men and their father and the journey that all three take during the father’s illness. This was an extremely touching film and showed the light and dark side of terminal illness (although not nearly as light as One Last Thing, earlier in the week). Lighting and symbolism are particularly important in the film, with light and white and water representative of the impeding death. I actually chose this film for the simple reason that Raymond Bouchard of La grande seduction (Seducing Dr. Lewis) was in it and I was absolutely rewarded for my choice. And yes dammit, I cried AGAIN. This really is a must see.

50 Ways Of Saying Fabulous

2005-09-16T10:03:00.000-04:00

Programme: Visions
Director: Stewart Main
Country: New Zealand
Year: 2005
Language: English
Time: 90 minutes
Production Company: MF Films
Producer: Michele Fantl
Screenplay: Stewart Main, based on the novel by Graeme Aitken
Cinematography: Simon Raby
Editor: Peter Roberts
Production Designer: Ken Turner
Sound: Dick Reade
Music: Peter Scholes
Principal Cast: Andrew Paterson, Harriet Beattie, Jay Collins, Michael Dorman, Georgia McNeil, Rima Te Wiata

Billy (Andrew Paterson) is a chubby, girlish boy who would rather daydream about being Lana, the heroine of his favourite TV show, "Adventures in Space," than play rugby. His best friend - and complete opposite - is his cousin Lou (Harriet Beattie), who would rather be Brad, the show's rugged hero. Lou can't wait until the day when she can cut off her long hair - and Billy can't wait either: Lou's promised to give it to him, so he'll have a real ponytail, instead of having to pin a cow's tail inside his jaunty hat.

Such innocent ignorance is bliss, of course, but it doesn't last long. Billy and Lou become acutely aware that society at large frowns sternly upon messing around with gender roles, and it isn't long before Billy is labelled a "poofter." Naturally, none of the kids knows what a poofter is, though the meanest bully notes they are easy to identify: "They have fifty ways of saying 'fabulous.'" Billy's Aunt Evey (Rima Te Wiata) explains that the term describes "life's sensitive, artistic types - people who prefer culture to cows."

Euphemistic definitions aside, Billy is indeed engaging in furtive masturbatory encounters with Roy (Jay Collins), the very odd new boy in town, and when Billy falls head over heels for a hunky farmhand (Michael Dorman) - and so does Lou - things get rather complicated and even dark. For while much of the film is whimsical, it doesn't forget that childhood friendships can be rocked by raging torrents of adolescent hormones that arouse meanness, betrayal and the rawest jealousy.

The film's fluid camera movements - particularly its sudden snap zooms - make its mid-seventies setting all the more palpable, while its almost happy-go-lucky score - strangely reminiscent of Lassie - emphasizes in counterpoint the lackadaisical way we wander into adulthood, only to discover it is no place to be without our wits.

Director Stewart Main exhibits a gift for directing young actors and each of their performances is pitch-perfect, capturing all the gangliness of early adolescence. Against a remote, backwoods landscape, these charming, offbeat characters suffer remarkably familiar growing pains.

MY THOUGHTS:
This was not a fabulous movie and I blame myself for having my expectations too high. I guess I was expecting more comedy and less angst. I’m not sold on the ending either… poor Roy, the outcast kid. He’s just screwed through the whole movie. While I was relatively sold on the Lou/Billy relationship, I guess I just have “what could have been” thoughts on the film. I could write a bunch about what elements were great and worked, but ultimately since I’m not recommending it – why bother. Okay, how about this? The scenery was great – shot in New Zealand. When the highlight of the movie is when the guy next to Greektown says “Oh SNAP” during a critical scene and sends us into paroxysm of laughter… yeah. And… I’m done.

Oh thank God, a night to myself...

2005-09-15T13:05:00.000-04:00

Last night was a double-header – April Snow and Gronholm Method – both at the Paramount and both to sell-out crowds. That was a lot of movie for one night! Each film was intense in its own way, but completely different and neither had any “red carpet” fanfare. It was nice, actually – after the weeks of visitors and having people around day and night – to actually be by myself all night at the movies. I brought a book and my iPod and just hung out at the Paramount. The reviews follow for both films.

April Snow (Wae Chul)

2005-09-15T13:00:00.000-04:00

Programme: Special Presentations
Directore: Hur Jin-ho
Country: South Korea
Year: 2005
Language: Korean
Time: 105 minutes
Production Company: Blue Storm Co., Ltd.
Executive Producer: Kim Dong-joo, Bae Yong-kook
Producer: Kang Bong-rae
Screenplay: Shin Joon-ho, Lee Won-sik, Seo You-min, Lee il, Hur Jin-ho
Cinematography: Lee Mo-gae
Editor: Lee Eun-soo
Production Designer: Park Sang-hun
Sound: Lee Byung-ha
Music: Cho Sung-woo
Principal Cast: Bae Yong-joon, Son Ye-jin, Lim Sang-hyo, Chun Kook-huan

South Korean cinema is on fire. One of its many anticipated films this year is April Snow, a lyrical love story entwining two tormented hearts broken by a terrible shock.

As unexpected as a snowstorm in summer, the news of a car accident tears In-su (Bae Yong-joon) away from his lighting gig at a Seoul rap concert and throws him into the unfamiliar environs of a nightmare: a hospital hallway in a quiet, unknown seaside town. While the doctors in the operating room try to save his wife’s life, the knife of doubt and jealousy slices through his soul with equal surgical precision. Sitting next to In-su in the waiting room is the quiet Seoyoung (Son Ye-jin), the wife of the man who almost died in the same car in which In-su’s wife was riding.

Seo-young and In-su’s worst fears are soon confirmed through explicit mobile phone messages and the scant articles they are asked to identify at the scene of the accident: a digital camera, lipstick, a condom. Their spouses were lovers. Hate, resentment and searing jealousy mingle with the fear of confronting death and grief, and with an even more terrifying, creeping desire: the wish that the accident had been a fatal one. And then, the two betrayed spouses begin to feel something new and romantic towards one another.

Cold, antiseptic atmospheres are bathed in a wintry light that seems to shine from inside the battered protagonists’ emotional cores. Hur Jin-ho’s airy and elegant directorial touch slides over the gestures of everyday life and empties them of their accepted meaning, creating a haunting limbo where the performances of Son Ye-jin and top Korean star Bae Yong-joon glow with deep psychological impact. An intimate narrative accompanies this subtle dance of passions. Like mirrored reflections on the two protagonists’ new intimacy we see rendered - with unusual simplicity - the complexity of heartbreak.

MY THOUGHTS
I LOVE South Korean cinema. Last year’s 3 Iron was my festival favorite and though not quite in the same league as that film, April Snow was great. Directore Hur Jin-ho, on stage to introduce his film, asked us to "bear with him as he hoped the character-centric story wasn’t too boring." No worries… I’ve always been a fan of character-driven stories over plot-heavy, special effects action-type movies. Frankly, I find stories about people very interesting. Unlike a lot of north American (okay, American) “character films” that use dialogue as the main driver of a film, April Snow (typical, I’ve found of South Korean film) uses silence and gestures to convey the same message. What I mean is that the actors actually act. How novel. The film is deliberate, every word is significant and every gesture laden with emotion. For a film in which not very much happened and very little was said – I came away with a lot. I felt invested in the story and in each of the characters and found myself rooting for them in the end. A really beautiful film and if you enjoy this type of thing, it’s a MUST SEE.

The Grönholm Method (El Método Grönholm)

2005-09-15T12:56:00.000-04:00

Programme: Contemporary World Cinema
Director: Marcelo Piñeyro
Country: Spain/Argentina/Italy
Year: 2005
Language: Spanish
Time: 115 minutes
Production Company: Alquimia Cinema/Tornasol Films/Arena Films/Cattleya
Executive Producer: Ricardo García Arrojo
Producer: Francisco Ramos, Gerardo Herrero
Screenplay: Mateo Gil, Marcelo Piñeyro, based on the play by Jordi Galcerán Ferrer
Cinematography: Alfredo Mayo
Editor: Ivan Aledo
Production Designer: Verónica Toledo
Sound: Eduardo Esquide, Polo Aledo
Music: Frédéric Bégin, Phil Electric
Principal Cast: Eduardo Noriega, Najwa Nimri, Eduard Fernández, Pablo Echarri, Adriana Ozores, Ernesto Alterio

Marcelo Piñeyro’s The Grönholm Method is an unexpected departure from the themes of his previous work. Piñeyro’s last two films dealt with society’s underdogs - homosexual bank robbers in Burnt Money and a family on the run from Argentina’s most recent military dictatorship in Kamchatka. In his new film, which is loosely based on a very successful play by Jordi Galcerán Ferrer, Piñeyro explores the dark inner workings of the corporate world.

While the streets of Madrid are filled with anti-globalization demonstrators, candidates are assembled to be put through the final selection process for a single high-level position at a multinational corporation. From the outset, there is a palpably tense, competitive atmosphere among the group. Feelings of distrust increase when they realize they are aspiring for the same position, and that the Grönholm Method (a human resources strategy supposedly imported from the United States) is being used to assess their respective merits. They find themselves pitted against one another in a contest that elicits fear, suspicion, paranoia and betrayal. The humiliation these people are willing to endure or inflict on others for the sake of the job is chilling to witness.

Piñeyro works with an incredible ensemble cast of actors to evoke this claustrophobic rivalry. Young, attractive executives Carlos (Eduardo Noriega) and Nieves (Najwa Nimri) are cold, calculating and unscrupulous. Fernando (Eduard Fernández) and Ana (Adriana Ozores) represent the older generation, insecure about their age and lack of cutting-edge skills. Enrique (Ernesto Alterio), meanwhile, is the typical kiss-ass, continually praising the human resources department’s cryptic techniques.

The Grönholm Method verges on thriller territory by keeping the audience in suspense. How far are the applicants willing to go, and what indignities are they willing to suffer? What new psychological tricks will their would-be employers come up with to push them to their limits? Piñeyro’s timely film shows how this type of “natural” selection truly dehumanizes us in the ceaseless race to get ahead.

MY THOUGHTS
Yowzah, I hope no one in my company gets their hands on this movie – I predict a whole new recruiting method if they do… Another character film (sensing a theme??), I wouldn’t characterize this as a thriller by any means, but it was enthralling to watch as these people enact a “Survivor-type” scenario where it isn’t backstabbing for the most part – it’s stabbing your competition right in the gut while you stare them down. It was a tremendous script with great acting that ensured that the most painful scenes felt honest and, well, painful but not overacted or contrived. It was manipulation and scheming at it’s very best and I’m fascinated that I was able to predict with such accuracy what Nieves, one of the main characters (a bit older than me, but otherwise a blown-out-of-proportion version of me – minus the bathroom scene) would do in each situation.

The reason I chose this film was because I was interested in seeing a movie about the corporate world - the world that I inhabit each workday. I was surprised at how easily I could identify with the characters (although I suspect I’d get voted off pretty quickly). Interesting, but a little frightening too… I’m very glad that I chose this film.

TIFF - Bam Bam and Celeste

2005-09-14T12:55:00.000-04:00

Program: Discovery
Director: Lorene Machado
Country: USA
Year: 2005
Language: English
Time: 85 minutes
Production Company: SALTY Features/Cho Taussig Productions/Nuit Blanche Productions
Executive Producer: Michael Hakan, Julie Huntsinger
Producer: Eva Kolodner, Yael Melamede, Karen Taussig, Margaret Cho
Screenplay: Margaret Cho
Cinematography: Matthew Clark
Editor: Philip Harrison
Production Designer: John Chichester
Sound: Jerry Ross, George Berndt
Music: Pat Irwin
Principal Cast: Margaret Cho, Bruce Daniels, Alan Cumming, John Cho, Elaine Hendrix, Jane Lynch

Uproarious comic genius Margaret Cho is a revolutionary figure in American entertainment. Her self-proclaimed fag-hag status and her gently confrontational, self-mocking racial humour have changed the language of stand-up - not least regarding those comedy club put-down staples, gays and Asians - forever. And she has hand-delivered this seismic shift wrapped in an overall message of personal liberation and unironic self-respect that makes her a major force for good in this world.

In Bam Bam and Celeste, Cho gets to invest everything that makes her great in a madcap road movie that features all of her favourite targets and loves: freaky sex, growing up a loser, TV in every form and, of course, her glorious mother, full of kooky wisdom and breathtaking malapropisms that leave you laughing for days.

Cho is Celeste, an overweight, Korean, former goth punk, while her longtime friend and collaborator Bruce Daniels plays Bam Bam, a hyper-queeny, African-American stylist. They are both thirty-three years old and stuck in a dreary Midwestern city where they have been teased and beaten up since high school. It seems like the only person who loves them is Mommy (Cho, of course), Celeste’s mother, known for her big sweaters and bizarre advice.

Salvation for the pair comes in the form of a reality TV make-over show looking for a challenge. Their trip to New York to volunteer themselves is fraught with peril - they are saved from thugs by, ahem, a rugged outdoorswoman ( Jane Lynch from Christopher Guest’s Best in Show) and insulted by a racist gas station attendant. Finally, with much encouragement from the show’s precious booking assistant (Alan Cumming), they arrive in New York. Fate - in the form of a showdown at the beauty salon owned by their high school nemeses - tries to rip them apart just before their big triumph, but Mommy saves the day in the nick of time.

Having this much fun almost makes you feel guilty, except that Cho and company set such a gloriously eccentric example, you can’t help but want to join them on this uplifting and sidesplitting journey.

MY THOUGHTS:
Ah, not sidesplitting. It was funny and as a fag hag myself, I definitely got the inside jokes, but it was a little over the top and not always delivering the expected laughs. I appreciate the fact that she’s taking small situations and blowing them widely out of proportion in order to make her points and that this is largely because the points she’s trying to get across are typically lost or non-existent in the current cultural landscape – things like gay relationships, racism in everyday life, the face of the Asian person in America. Perhaps because I don’t belong to any of those demographics, I didn’t fall in love with the story as much as someone who felt invested in those storylines.

Overall, not a bad film and likely as Greektown suggested, destined to be a cult classic.

That crusty white stuff looks like... No, it couldn't be...

2005-09-13T13:20:00.000-04:00

So I guess I’ll write about Elizabethtown tomorrow because last night was too good not to write about today. Greektown and I caught One Last Thing last night at the Varsity and it is the storybook festival story… if you take into account that Greektown and (especially) I are a bit mental AND shifty-crafty.

So we’re in the queue, waiting to get into the theatre and we’re pretty well situated given that I showed up quite early, thinking that the film started at 9 instead of 930. For once, a good “oops.” Anyhow, Greektown has perfected the art of sitting next to the “reserved” section and therefore elbow-to-elbow with the stars and this evening was no exception. Let me cut to the chase… we were sitting two rows ahead of the star – 16 (?) year old Michael Angarano and when he walked in, I gave him the shoulder. GAVE him the shoulder as in, when I shouldered him, I actually said “shoulder.” Greektown nearly killed herself laughing. Things pretty much went downhill from there… Michael’s pals (co-stars) winked at me the rest of the night, Cynthia Nixon sat behind us and a few seats over as did Gina Gershon. Ethan Hawk sat at the end of the aisle two back (quite far off), BUT (wait for it… wait for it…) Wyclef Jean sat three seats over from Greektown in our aisle. Yes. Wyclef Jean. Sat. Next. To. Us. Oh and after the film, when the lights came up and they were getting ready for the Q&A, Greektown and I were in a heated discussion (probably about whether the woman sitting near Cynthia is her lovah) and something, something, I said to her “Don’t get all up in my grill” – yes, that’s right with Wyclef Jean three seats over. Oh, and also - I might have giggled kind of hysterically when Wyclef was first in the film... ah, he's sitting right next to us. Wyclef Jean. Is. Sitting. Next. To. Us.

So really fantastic celeb stalking night. But wait, there’s more… after the film we walked out and who was standing outside but Ethan Hawk. So naturally, I went over to meet him. Yeah, I might have scared him a bit. I put my hand on his arm and when he turned around I launched into one of my normal “sidebar” type comments “I feel like I’m manhandling you, or woman handling, as the case may be… so, mind if I get a picture with you?” Perhaps I scared him a little or maybe Ethan is just not one of the nice guys – he mumbled something about not wanting to take pictures because if he did, he’d be there all night. Personally, I think he didn’t want to do pictures because he had a suspicious crusty white spot on the front of his suit. Ick. I think that I looked as unimpressed as I felt because he did however say, “But I do want to meet you. Hi, I’m Ethan” and shook my hand. Oh no j'ou di'int!! Meh, Ethan Hawke, Meh!

I did however snap a pick with Michael, whom as you’ll recall, I shouldered earlier in the evening. He was most obliging. But perhaps just a bit too young for me…

Following is the review.

TIFF - One Last Thing...

2005-09-13T13:11:00.000-04:00

Programme: Contemporary World Cinema
Director: Alex Styermark
Country: USA
Year: 2005
Language: English
Time: 93 minutes
Production Company: HDNet Films LLC/Head Quarters
Executive Producer: Mark Cuban, Todd Wagner
Producer: Susan A. Stover, Jason Kliot, Joana Vicente
Screenplay: Barry Stringfellow
Cinematography: Christopher Norr
Editor: Michael Berenbaum
Production Designer: Stephen Beatrice
Sound: Ira Spiegal, Marlena Grzaslewicz
Music: Anton Sanko
Principal Cast: Cynthia Nixon, Michael Angarano, Sunny Mabrey, Nelust Wyclef Jean, Matt Bush, Gideon Glick, Johnny Messner, Gina Gershon

Dylan (Michael Angarano) is a sixteen-year-old boy in the late stages of terminal cancer. He still looks well enough, has a caustic wit and delights in sharing his medical marijuana with Slap (Gideon Glick) and Ricky (Matt Bush), his hilarious best friends. His widowed, shell-shocked mother (Cynthia Nixon of “Sex in the City” fame) wants his last months to be wonderful, but also wants to be a responsible mother. The shadow of Dylan’s dead father (Ethan Hawke) occupies his dreams and thoughts of what lies ahead.

Successful black comedies walk a peculiar tightrope. Their humour springs from dark and disturbing premises, yet a lightness of step is necessary to keep things spry and funny. A textbook example of how to sustain this fine balance is One Last Thing…, the second feature by impressive American director Alex Steyermark, following his 2003 hit Prey for Rock & Roll.

When Dylan gets a chance to enjoy the generosity of an organization much like the Make-A-Wish Foundation, he lies and declares he wants to go fishing with NFL quarterback Jason O’Malley ( Johnny Messner). Once onstage, however, he reveals his true last wish: a weekend alone with supermodel of the moment Nikki Slater (Sunny Mabrey). Meanwhile Nikki, a messed-up, drunken self-destruction machine, desperately needs a boost of publicity after pushing another model offstage at the latest fashion show. Her agent (a delicious Gina Gershon) gives her an ultimatum and books her appearance, setting the stage for one of this year’s most unlikely courtships.

Alternately laugh-out-loud funny and tearfully poignant, Barry Stringfellow’s script is pitch-perfect and Steyermark shows how a talented director of actors elicits subtle, expertly modulated performances. Angarano, a familiar face from his strong supporting roles in Almost Famous and Seabiscuit, underplays to great effect; his comedic timing is impeccable, his dramatic moments credible and affecting. Nixon, faced with a thankless, challenging role, is extraordinary, conveying great strength in a woman battered by circumstance.

One Last Thing… is another sure sign that, after some difficult years, American independent cinema is finding a confident, engaging voice once again.

MY THOUGHTS
After the film I kept thinking “how did they know that people would laugh at this scene?" The kid is DYING! I actually loved this film. I laughed and I cried – and the girl next to me sobbed (not Greektown). Of course the theme of facing death, letting go of someone that you love and spirituality in the face of death all resonated with me – quelle surprise.

One of the lines in the movie really resonated with me… the kid was asking his doctor why he believed in an afterlife when he (the kid) felt it was pointless and didn’t exist. The doctor responded: “it can’t hurt” – what a great line! (Sidebar: I really liked the fact that they were not particularly ascribing to one kind of religion, rather taking elements and making references to various religions – that really appeals to me more so than a straight-up full press of any one kind. The exploration of “what comes after” was a fascinating side-story) Cynthia Nixon did a fantastic job as the mother trying to balance her reaction to the impeding death of her son and his wish to have certain life experiences before he dies. Sunny Mabry, the model Niki, was also great as the train-wreck girl facing her own demons. Ultimately however, it was the relationship between the three boys and Micheal’s own performance that carried this film. The jump from tears to laughter (and back and back) was as surprising as it was enjoyable. It reminded me a lot of Saint Ralph from last year in terms of great performances from a young actor.

Oh yeah, and I want to marry the football player. Just sayin’.

Perpetual Motion

2005-09-12T13:15:00.000-04:00

Programme: Contemporary World Cinema
Director: NIng Ying
Country: China
Year: 2005
Language: Mandarin
Time: 90 minutes
Production Company: Beijing Happy Village Ltd.
Executive Producer: Francesco Cosentino
Producer: Ning Ying
Screenplay: Ning Ying, Liu Sola, Hung Huang
Cinematography: Andrea Carazzuti, Ning Ying
Editor: Ning Ying
Production Designer: Yang Xiaoping
Sound: Han Bing
Music: Liu Sola
Principal Cast: Hung Huang, Liu Sola, Li Qinqin, Ping Yanni, Zhang Hanzhi

Film Description: Bold and articulate, Ning Ying’s latest film, Perpetual Motion, is destined to shake audiences out of their preconceived ideas of women’s roles in China. It is a fascinating, volatile mixture of repressed desires, past traumas and close proximity to political power that roils within the contemporary Mainland’s high society. Suffused with cutting-edge black humour and creeping eeriness, this story of four friends unfolds within the borders of a splendid Beijing courtyard house in the space of one long, seminal night on the eve of the Chinese New Year.

Earlier the same day, Niuniu (Hung Huang) has discovered both her husband’s absence and a love email addressed to him, clearly written by somebody she knows very well. Determined to spend the festivities in good company as well as to unveil this double betrayal, Niuniu gathers her three best friends, Lala (Liu Sola), Qinqin (Li Qinqin) and Madame Ye (Ping Yanni).

As the evening progresses through customary Spring Festival activities such as playing mah-jong, eating a banquet of delicacies and watching television, Niuniu’s vindictive plan unfolds as she follows the lines of a conversation that leads the protagonists to disclose the secrets of their hearts.

Apart from Li, who is a well-known actress, the women interpreting the film’s characters make their acting debuts here, but they are also some of the most prominent and influential female figures in China. Hung, the daughter of former senior diplomat and Mao’s English interpreter Ms. Zhang Hanzi (who herself appears in the film as the old house maid), is a celebrity in the Chinese media and publishing world, while Liu is an acclaimed novelist as well as a famous musician and the composer of Perpetual Motion’s mesmerizing score.

Blending fiction and reality in a bravely authentic narrative, Ning gives voice to the audacious maturity of the “other half of the sky.” Assertive and worldly, her untamed heroines loudly speak the language of their sexuality and ride their wealth of revolutionary memories. Destined to excite and perturb, Perpetual Motion is a milestone for women in the new Chinese cinema.

MY THOUGHTS…
This was one of the films I most looked forward to, because of my interest in women’s issues. I was somewhat disappointed with the film itself – there were two scenes that I didn’t quite get while watching – the chicken kill scene and the scene where the women are eating the chicken claws (yuck). The film seemed too simplistic – or had too many subtleties ingrained in Chinese culture that I just wasn’t getting. I wasn’t sure of which until the Q & A with Ning herself after the screening.

It turns out that a lot of her funding came from the government – so not only was she producing this film in China, under the most restrictive conditions, but having to conform to government funding guidelines as well. The reasoning behind the casting of three non-actresses is fascinating. The “Hollywood” pressures of having younger, attractive women star in films also exists in China; to circumvent this issue, Ms. Ning, justified her funding and simultaneously maintained the integrity of characters in pre-menopause by casting women who were non-actresses, but each a “celebrity” of sorts in China, some for political reasons, mostly for their involvement in the arts… There is a significant blending of art and reality in this film. Like their characters in the film, several of the women’s fathers have been incarcerated for 7 and 8 years, and most (all) women spent time abroad in real life as well as in their characters.

Ms. Ning’s determination to present a film with unique and strong women personalities is further seen not only in the plot and character development, but also in several of the scenes. The most telling is the chicken claw scene, where the women feast at length on chicken claws. The scene was shot with many close-ups and had very clear audio, made more clear by the absence of music and sound during the entire scene. What to me appeared during the screening to be a rather over-lengthy and overdone scene, turned out to be in the Ning’s words, her version of a sex scene. Hmm…

Overall, the movie itself was challenging to watch. At no point did I ever feel particularly invested in any of the characters, which is not really what I’m looking for in a character film… the Q&A however, really added to my understanding of the film and ultimately made this an enjoyable festival experience.

Just when you want to be crabby...

2005-09-09T12:45:00.000-04:00

So I was a little off this morning – it’s been a crazy week – lots of good and some quite bad news… but anyway, I think the bad news was getting me down this morning. So I’m in the car, headed to work and passing one film crew after another and wishing that I could be out there doing the celebrity-stalking thing. But no, I’m on my way to work instead. Anyhow, I’m a bit bummed and start stabbing away at my radio presets, trying to find a song to lift my spirits. This is what I got in a row: (although obviously not on the same station…)

YMCA – the Village People
Ya Gotta Be – Des’ree
Hotstepper (don’t have a clue who sings this but it’s fun to sing when Vermont and I are wandering around Bloor West)
Never Going To Fall In Love – Tom Jones

Now that’s a decent road mix. How can I not be smiling?

So dinner last night with my bother was super fun – we headed to the Irish Embassy and then did some Red Carpet stalking at the Ryerson Theatre, where we saw Robert Downey Jr. and Val Kilmer. Very fun. Yes kids, the festival has officially started. I think I’m officially on the upswing…

And this bit of news about the

The Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) Starts TODAY!

2005-09-08T11:54:00.000-04:00

So last week, Greektown and I sat down with the TIFF book and a bottle of wine (and Swiss Chalet AND chocolate cake) and pored over the schedule and movie descriptions. My selection process is very complicated. First, I like to pick films that I think I’ll actually get – if I chose all galas, I’d not likely get many picks and have to wait in the LONG lineups to exchange coupons for whatever films were left. Second, I wanted a few Canadian films, but not too many, because I can catch the best of them next spring at the TIFF Top Ten Canadian Films mini-festival. Third – avoid in most cases, any film that is likely to come out in theatre in the next few months. Fourth – see a few films that I might never have the chance to see again, including foreign films that might not get distributed/shown in Canada again.

So with all that in mind, and taking into account that I have houseguests from today through Tuesday of next week – I made my picks. I narrowed my picks down to about 30 films, based on interest. Then, I attempted to schedule them all in. Then I chose 10 as my first choice picks and 10 as my second choices. Most of the galas and more mainstream films were my second choices.

On Sunday, I received an email detailing my picks and times. I got an incredible 9/10 first choices!! That NEVER happens. The way the picks are handled is that everyone who buys a pass, 50 coupons, 30 coupons or 10 coupons makes their picks, drops them off and they’re placed in boxes. The boxes are numbered from 1-40. Then they randomly draw a number from 1-40 and whatever number is drawn, those people get their first choices. Then the next number in order and so on. So if the first box drawn is #7, then it completely sucks to be in box 6, ‘cause you’re last. Anyhow, this was the best EVER!

And now, for curiosity’s sake and so you know what I’ll be writing about over the next week and a bit – my picks…

Perpetual Motion
Elizabethtown (the only big-name movie I chose)
One Last Thing…
Bam Bam and Celeste
April Snow
Gronholm Method
50 Ways of Saying Fabulous
Transamerica
La Vie Avec Mon Père
L’Enfant

You love WHO??

2005-09-07T14:46:00.000-04:00

So I flew my mother in from the East Coast on Saturday and we hung out over the long weekend until today, when she flew home. The reason for her visit? Well, other than seeing me in my natural habitat and some mother-daughter bonding, the main reason for her visit was the Elton John (link includes set list!!) show last night at the ACC (Air Canada Center). So tickets were $125 a pop for our corporate seats (love the corporate seats – how do people do anything without them??!) and though I was looking forward to the show, it was more about my mother seeing him than me. But if you read my site, you already knew that…

So there we were, 8 PM at the ACC, waiting for the big guy to take the stage… a few minutes past 8 – gotta say, very UN-diva behavior – he came out and for the next two hours and forty-five minutes, it was non-stop music. That’s right – 2 hours and 45 minutes. By the end of it, I was getting tired FOR him… I could only think of one song that he didn’t play – the Lion King song – Can You Feel The Love… Otherwise, I spent the entire night (post-the Peachtree set of 8 rather unknown songs ) saying “Oh I LOVE this song!” I kept forgetting how many great songs he has…

But it wasn’t just the trip through memory lane that I enjoyed – his voice was amazing. He sat at that piano all night and pounded away – the sound was great, the set list amazing and on the whole, probably one of the best concerts I’ve seen – EVER. Here is a guy who hasn’t had a huge song in a really long time, has been around since before I was born – and still comes out and plays with more heart than most bands today that are trying to break into the business. It really, really puts to shame bands like the Killers who show up, play a 1/3 hour set at the Kool Haus (last November – still bitter) with no more passion than I have for washing the dishes. If only all musicians touring today could be more like Elton John… (or the Arcade Fire, or K-OS…)

It's all a big joke?

2005-09-06T11:58:00.000-04:00

Ha, ha, ha… I’m afraid of commitment. How many times have I said that? So why was I devastated when last week I found an article that profiles the characteristics of the Commitment-phobe?

It was a little too “in your face” when I read that the commitment-phobe chooses unavailable people to date. Ouch. I’m a (bit of a) mixed-messager. It’s how I keep things at a certain level… getting too close for comfort? How about I become a wall for a while? And the worst realization of all… I’m an active-phobic. Yes, I gasp for air at the thought of marriage. Yes, I’d say there are definitely some fears involved – mainly failure and perfection… The upside is that I don’t think I’m looking for a perfect person or have any fantasies about the perfect marriage. I’m more in the market for someone as flawed as myself. Ooops, I guess that takes me back to unavailable again. Damn this tricky little phobia.

So the problematic thing about this article is that there doesn’t seem to be any advice for us commitment-phobes other than avoid them. That seems complicated. Am I too far gone? Seriously, I’m 29, is this still funny?

Top Concert Experiences...

2005-09-02T11:52:00.000-04:00

So recently, I was discussing concerts with a friend. Now, I’ve been to a ton of shows in my lifetime (a lot of them over the last year) and seen some amazing artists. But some shows stand out way beyond the others… it’s not always because the artist was my favorite, or because they happened to live up to my expectations – it’s more like a convergence of things – let me give you my Top 5 Concert Experiences (I recently watched High Fidelity (again!)…):

Bryan Adams in Lausanne, Switzerland
Arcade Fire at Coachella
K-OS in Kingston
Prince at the ACC
Our Lady Peace (opening for 54-40) in Shediac

Top Five Songs Played Live:
Rebellion – Arcade Fire, Coachella
Dear Prudence – Our Lady Peace, Shediac
Raspberry Beret – Prince, ACC
Man I Used To Be – K-OS, Kingston
Thunderstruck – AC/DC, Sars Concert

I can still place myself in the crowd of every one of these songs. The memory is as vivid today as it was the moment I was there… some things are just so incredible that you can not only remember them, but feel being there all over again.

In Other News...

2005-09-01T11:55:00.000-04:00

So I’m driving to work today and drive by a large, black, rather dusty truck parked on the side of the road. In the dusty back window, someone wrote: I wish my girlfriend was this dirty.

That is the best ever! It kind of made my day…

I am officially the most excited about the next few weeks – my film picks have been submitted for the TIFF, my mother arrives on Saturday for the Elton John concert (keep forgetting that I’m seeing him next week!) and I’m super-pumped for the Beachfest show on Labour day!!! Is it strange that I’m more excited about a free-outdoor concert than I am for Elton John? Don’t tell my mother!

Here is the lineup for Mix 99.9’s 14 Annual Beachfest 2005:

10:30am - 10:45am - Kyle Riabko
11:00am - 11:20am - Matthew Barber
11:35am - 11:50am - Jeremy Fisher
12:10pm - 12:25pm - Sarah Slean
12:45pm - 1:15pm - Ron Sexsmith
1:40pm - 2:10pm - K-OS
2:30pm - 2:45pm - Steven Page

3:10pm - 3:40pm - David Usher

4:00pm - 4:30pm - Kathleen Edwards
4:45pm - 5:00pm - Tom Cochrane
5:15pm - 6:15pm - Blue Rodeo & Friends

Okay, now look ANGRY

2005-08-31T13:54:00.000-04:00

Sunday afternoon, the Skydome (dammit, Rogers Center)… game three of the Jays / Indians series. We’re sitting in the 500s, enjoying the sun and the game and some beer. Well, melting is more like it… Goddamn it’s hot up there…

So not a great game for the Jays, who lost to the Indians, but not a terrible outing for Josh Towers.

Alright, not my most riveting play-by-play on a game ever, but that’s ‘cause I’m saving the best for last… Sunday night a friend and I headed down to the Jays Fest Gala at the Liberty Grand (at the National Exhibition). Jays Fest Gala, you ask? It’s an annual “thank you” party hosted by the Jays organization in appreciation of season ticket holders. Now I’m not myself a season ticket holder, however my company is and the guy who manages the tickets – well, I have lunch with him every day… and I can be very charming…

So we get back to my place after the game, throw on business suits and head to the Ex. Having no idea what to expect, we arrived at the Liberty Grand around 730 (doors were at 6) in hopes of perhaps seeing one or two ball players and grabbing some decent food. It didn’t quite work out that way…

We walked in to the main ballroom and standing just inside the door was Corey Koskie. OMG, Corey Koskie. And he looked angry. Which is to say that he looked normal. So as I walked by him, I blurted out “Great game today” and just as he puts his hand out to shake mine, I walk away dazed. Oops, kinda missed Russ Adams who was standing next to him and ALSO played.

Okay, shake it off, shake it off, you can do this! For God’s sakes I’ve been to Coachella!! In the VIP area! With Danny Devito and Scott Speedman!!! I’ve sat with Sarah from the Arcade Fire and met the whole band!!! I know what will help… a drink. Off to the bar I go…

So I’m lined up at the bar (while my pal is off ATTACKING the buffet) and I’m kind of snickering at the guy in front of me, who’s wearing a rather loud polyester button-down shirt that says “bikini-tini” on the back with a cartoon picture of a girl (the sort of picture you see on mudflaps on a transport truck). Tee hee. Oops again, it’s Frank Menechino. Of course it is…

Alright, I now have a drink in hand, well actually, I’m double fisting because I’m holding my friend’s drink too – he found a whole other area of the buffet… “Turn around,” my friend says quite calmly, “there’s Roy Halliday.” Okay, now I’m sweating.

Don’t ask me how, but somehow I managed to summon the nerve to go over and chat with him, his wife (hello, gossip much? I think she was ready to give me dirt on everyone!) and gulp, Corey Koskie again. So off I go, apologize to Corey for “being such an idiot and feeling a bit star struck” and chat with the three of them for oh – five minutes or so. Wow. Gotta say, I kind of have a bit of a crush on Corey… Anyhow, we mix and mingle for a while, which really means I drank and my pal ate… Gustavo Chacin was there, Russ Adams and Aaron Hill, pretty much everyone other than Eric Hinske – which was for the best, because I had been practicing my “Eric Hinske’s an idiot” line all day… (season).

Finally, we track down the guy I was hoping to see… Shea Hillenbrand. I LOVE Shea Hillenbrand. Love him. He’s my favorite. Anyhow, we went up and had a really interesting and lengthy chat with the guy… he’s great! Totally down-to-earth, one of those guys that is in it for the game. And he had his shirt practically unbuttoned to his waist… ah, bit of a crush now, actually.

So we wound up the evening listening to Edwin McCain – the guy who sings “I’ll Be” – the musical talent they brought in for the event. We lasted, what, two songs before it was time to accost Corey Koskie one last time. I wanted to get a picture with him before leaving… I jokingly said to my friend that I should ask him to look angry in the photo since that’s how he looks most of the time anyway. And the next thing you know…

“Hi, do you mind if I get a photo with you?” “Of course.” “Here’s the thing – could you do me a favor and look angry? It’s kind of a running joke – you look angry most of the time – in your stock photo and when you’re batting especially. It’ll be more authentic…” He laughs and puts his arm around me. (melt!). So my pal is completely screwing with the camera (on purpose as it turns out – I guess I looked like I enjoyed the Koskie arm around me – now that’s a friend…). I’m laughing, Corey’s laughing and I’m bugging him to try to look angry. “How am I supposed to look angry when your friend can’t work the camera and you keep giggling!”

Ah well, the photo turned out quite nicely after all…

And Shea...

Now THIS is baseball!

2005-08-30T09:42:00.000-04:00

2-1 Jays vs. Indians

Sporty Spice: “Did you know that the Cleveland Indians don’t actually have any Native Americans on their team? It’s mostly Puerto Ricans and Americans…”
B/E/G: “I know that I gave you my corporate seats, but if you have no one to go with, I’m back in… but don’t take the ticket away from someone else, that would make me an Indian giver…”

Alright, so we’re wildly politically incorrect, but so began our weekend of baseball, baseball and more baseball. I had originally planned to go to Saturday’s game, gave my tickets away because it was my sister’s last weekend in Toronto, and then she and I ended up heading down at the last minute. It was just one of those days where plans get changed every other minute… in keeping with that – instead of picking up tickets in the 500s for $12, I ended up negotiating with a scalper in the Skywalk for Premium Dugout tickets – section 123, 16 rows up. UNBELIEVABLE. The tickets faced for $55, were $60 as a walk up and we got them for $35 apiece. We even had cupholders… for a game against one of the best teams in the AL, neck and neck (and neck) with the Angels and Yankees for the wild card race…

The game was great, although Hillenbrand wasn’t playing (boo hiss, he’s my favorite). I was sitting next to two old ladies, attending the game with a full picnic no less… I was a bit worried about my language around them, until about halfway through the game when the lady next to me turns towards me and says in a low voice:
Old Lady #1: “I’m from a small town and I’m wondering if that’s a man and a man” (points to the person in front of us with pierced ears, about 5’10, wearing a black dress shirt with they’re arm around a shorter man with a mustache).
Old Lady #2 “My husband thinks it’s a woman, but I think it’s a man”
B/E/G: “My sister and I were just having this discussion! We think it’s two men!”

Yes everyone, I got to play “Is that a man or a woman” with the two old ladies… Too much fun!

Jason Collette is the new Stars

2005-08-26T14:14:00.000-04:00

I LOVE Jason Collette. Not in the “hello, can I take my clothes off for you” kind of way that Greektown does (he’s dead to me!), more in the non-lustful way that I love the Arcade Fire and Stars. I cannot get enough of his cd… I listen to one track after another and each one prompts a “Oh I love this song… Oh, I love THIS song…” reaction.

Oddball things on my to-do list:

2005-08-26T13:42:00.000-04:00

Find a gun range in Toronto and learn to shoot a handgun… not for any reason other than I’m not good at very many things in life, but I am great shot with a hunting rifle. I feel I should not neglect my talents. Does anyone know of a gun range in Toronto?? The closest one that I've found is in Barrie.
Go to a strip club. Yeah, I’m really not a fan, I’ve always looked rather disapprovingly upon the whole thing and really, have a whole idea of what goes on in there that may or may not be true. (I’m probably UNDER-estimating how nasty they are?).
On the other hand… take a stripper-pole dance class. They have those you know… I can't find a gun range, but stripper-pole dance classes I'm all over!
Buy a tazer gun. This might involve going into the states and trying to sneak it back into the country. I’m not sure where all this protect-thyself-related to-do stuff is coming from other than someone got tazered last night on Veronica Mars and it seems really cool.
Learn how to mix records. Spin records? Whad'ya call this? Again, this just seems really cool. I basically want to be Li'l Jaz...

That’s all I’ve got for right now. I think I’m forgetting something, but I left the actual to-do list (which Greektown and I put together last night while drinking red wine and eating chocolate cake) on my kitchen counter this morning.

And Nevermore Shall I See the Sun... Or Maybe Not?

2005-08-25T12:50:00.000-04:00

Ever since I moved to downtown Toronto, I’ve been hearing about this mysterious “PATH” that traverses the downtown core and allows people to go from Front Street, all the way to – rumors say – Bloor Street and some say even as far north as Eglington. I’ve been on the PATH before, as has anyone who lives downtown. But none of us, even those who’ve been in Toronto for years, knew how far the PATH extended – until now. I recently discovered a copy of the PATH map on a real estate site while shopping for condos.

Spanning a total distance of 27 kilometers, the PATH goes from Yonge & Dundas (including Red Lobster) to the Skydome (ahem, Rogers Center). It traverses the Eaton Center, The Bay, extends to Roy Thompson Hall and the CBC building as well as Union Station and the Air Canada Center. Sadly, it does not include the Yonge & Bloor underground shopping labyrinth.

One thing I’ve noticed of late is the overwhelming bias towards the West End of Toronto. Although there are certainly lovely areas in the East Side (Beaches… but who can afford it?!), the subway system is developed on the West side only, as is the PATH. I guess the East Enders have the DVP to console themselves with?

I suspect that my next move / condo purchase will be a West Side Story. In the interim, prepare yourselves for a trek through the PATH!

TIFF - That Time Again...

2005-08-24T11:59:00.000-04:00

My coupons are ordered, the film list was released today and the schedule is available next week. Yes, kids, the Toronto International Film Festival is about to begin!!

So I was glancing through the press releases today and found the all-important list of guests that have confirmed their attendance at this year’s 30th annual festival… The list of international stars is what you want to look at… Let me help you out… Will Ferrell, Colin Firth (whom I will gleefully stalk again this year!!) and so many others that will be wandering the streets around my ‘hood. Have I mentioned that this is one of my all-time favorite things to do in Toronto? I’ll try to do a film-by film recap for you all… although I suspect that will be somewhat daunting with ten films in 12 days! Plus all of the celebrity stalking I’ll be doing… AND the U2 concert / family visits! Oh, and this small project I’m working on… right – training for a marathon.

Anyone else feel their life flashing before their eyes?

All You Need To Know About... Undiscovered

2005-08-23T13:05:00.000-04:00

Movie: Undiscovered
Director: Meiert Avis
Writer: John Galt
Distributor: Lion Gate Films
Characters:
Steven Strait: Luke Falcon
Pell James: Brier Tucket
Kip Pardue: Euan Falcon
Carrie Fisher: Carrie
Ashlee Simpson: Clea
Perrey Reeves: Michelle
Fisher Stevens: Garrett Schweck
Shannyn Sossamon: Josie

Plot: A group of aspiring entertainers try to establish careers for themselves in the city of Los Angeles.

Comments: Okay, if you’ve looked at the cast list, you’ve seen that Ashlee Simpson is in this movie. And yes, she sings… Strike one, strike two. The movie is definitely a teen-angst film about post-teens. Confused? I was mostly confused about how a so-so looking girl landed so many modeling gigs… but I digress…

The movie is about a musician guy who falls for a girl. She rebuffs his advances, but decides to secretly advance his career – he gets mega successful, then loses it all because of his feelings for her. But wait, there’s more...

Kudos to you if you stick around for all of it. Favorite parts of the movie – teen audience members heckling Ashlee anytime she sang… the two guys sitting in front of us that laughed hysterically at every lame joke, then sat at the edge of their seats during the last ten minutes and clapped without a trace of irony at the end. These same guys (one of whom I posted for your viewing pleasure today… see what I’m up against?! A middle-aged, pot-bellied, orange-Hawaiian-shirt-wearing dude!), actually LAUGHED at Greektown and I when we unapologetically clapped and cheered when Brier cut Luke’s hair at the end (OVERDUE). I've never laughed so hard at being laughed at.

I don’t really recommend this movie unless you’re going to see it with the same people we did – they MADE the movie one of the most enjoyable theatre experiences I’ve had of late (and I’ve seen / enjoyed some GREAT films – more reviews this week!). Also, note to Carrie Fisher: lose the eyeliner!

Make Friends With The Centipedes.

2005-08-19T12:18:00.000-04:00

So I headed to Home Depot this week to pick up some assorted bug sprays and powders because my apartment is overrun with centipedes. I am not happy.

I have no problem with scooping and flushing the occasional bug, spider, centipede or whatever. But the once a month, then once a week, and now every other day (and two on Wednesday morning) crush and flush routine has got me completely freaked.

So, yes I’m quite girly, but I like to think I have a legitimate reason for being so freaked that I haven’t really slept well for the last week… I had a bit of an issue in my last year of school – four of us rented a ramshackle house that ended up having rats (one died under the floorboards over Christmas break), mice, bees, carpenter ants (they were in Cowgirl’s room – she’d come home from class and have to wipe the sawdust off of her desk every day… they’d leaver her little messages, like “time to study…” Friendly bunch of ants, really), and spiders – tons of spiders.

Our vacuum, (a retro model we called R2) was used more for sucking up spiders than anything else. We’d do a sheet check every night before bed… Although we sort of got used to them, we were never thrilled about finding them in our beds. So this one night, I go off to sleep – and I am a SOUND sleeper – the only thing that wakes me up is, say, a kick in the back or elbow to the head (I’m not naming names, but…) – anyhow, I fall asleep and the next thing you know, I sort of half wake up because my forehead is itchy. I brush my forehead and fall back asleep. Minutes later, it happens again. I sit up, turn on the light and a HUGE spider is on my pillow. The effing thing was so big IT WOKE ME UP WHEN IT WALKED ON MY FACE. So I kind of have a thing against creepy crawlies.

Anyhow, so the centipedes. I (obviously) called an exterminator to have them come in and rid me of the pests (centipedes are NOT insects, they’re considered pests. Interestingly, centipedes are related to lobsters, shrimp and crayfish – little known fact). The exterminator guy was most obliging, but informed me that they wouldn’t guarantee the work because I’m on one of the top floors and “they are ground pests – they’re not originating from your unit, so we can’t guarantee the work unless we’re finding the source.” Great. He did mention that he was happy to come in, at $125 a pop, to exterminate as many times as I thought necessary. Gee, thanks.

Anyhow, several calls to the building manager later… they’re having a pest control company come in and take care of them Monday. Although I haven’t seen any in the apartment for the last two days, I think this morning I killed the centipede that ate the tarantula that lives in a vent over my parking space. In the interim, I guess I just keep my shoes on!

Don't ask a guy.

2005-08-18T12:01:00.000-04:00

So I was out for drinks with a co-worker friend a few years back (who’s visiting next week… fun!) and I was at the time, contemplating new frames for my glasses. I like to get new frames every couple of years, keep it fresh and all. So I asked my co-worker what he thought of my glasses…

BEG: Whaddya think of my glasses?
Co-Worker: (thoughtful) Well, there are cool glasses, you know – trendy – and then there are yours.

Traumatizing.

So I’m back on the prowl for new frames (found them I think, FCUK frames – very trendy) and was asking a guy friend what he though of my glasses…

BEG: Whaddya think of my glasses?
DUDE: Well, they’re functional. You can see with them. You should probably wear them.

Just for the record, my glasses are the (still) very trendy rimless kind that I plan to keep wearing even after I pick out a new pair (despite the fact that they appear functional!!!).

Perhaps I should stick to asking the opinion of my NSLPs – though they’re my life partners, I needn’t worry about them giving honest opinions… We’re a beeyatchy bunch, but tactful.

Commitment-Phobe Strikes Again.

2005-08-17T12:07:00.000-04:00

So you all know me as something of a commitment freak – I don’t like it. Well, I like it just fine up to a certain point and then something in my mind breaks with reality and poof, I’m on my own again. And though you’d all probably peg me as an optimist (I think of myself that way - upside, upside, upside!), I am definitely a relationship pessimist. Let me explain.

I never really think anything is going to work out, even if nothing is wrong and I really like the person. Not sure why that is. I haven’t had my heart overly broken… not anymore than anyone else out there. Nor have I any legitimate reason for being so guarded. Other than the very pathetic, if you don’t get your hopes up, you won’t be disappointed theory. I know, totally pathetic. It’s all I can think of on short notice (without intense psychotherapy). So what brought this on???

All of this occurred to me yesterday as I was standing in front of the condom section at my local drug store. Sure, I could buy the big box… it makes more sense, right? Fewer trips to the drug store to do the condom walk… all good. But as I stood there, the thought going through my head was… hmmm… will I use them all? Is it overly optimistic to think that I’ll be with the current dude long enough to use 24 condoms? Should I buy the small box? 12, now that sounds a bit more manageable… But I hate that I’m a pessimist about this! It’s like giving in to my commitment-phobe self!

And just in case you’re all wondering, NO, this discussion did not take place aloud, but rather in my head. Whew…

Whaddya do?

2005-08-16T13:38:00.000-04:00

So according to Toronto Police, the recent rash of shootings, drive-bys and gun-related deaths (10 deaths in 21 shooting incidents over the last three weeks) are not related to gang activities. The officer then cites one example of a shooting related to a robbery. Whew… that’s ONE shooting explained – how about the other 20???

Drugs and gangs, turf wars and general tensions are being blamed for the seemingly endless stream of shootings. More police are being put on the street immediately, targeted to “problem areas,” (Good, they can also look for that nut-job Todd Smith who walked out of the halfway house leaving a note that stated “he’d never be taken alive.”) which I can only imagine includes my neighborhood… But seriously… if it’s not gun shootings, it’s escapees from halfway houses!

So how to deal (Not the movie of the same name with Mandy Moore!)? When the police added more cops to the North West end of Toronto, the gun violence moved downtown (to my ‘hood!!!). We’re adding more cops there – so what happens when it moves somewhere else?
A few weeks ago, the Star published a Summer Survival Guide that included stuff like What to do when meeting a celebrity, how to not get killed driving a bike downtown, and believe it or not, how to survive a shooting. Shooting survival tips included: having an escape route, ducking behind cars… etc. You know shootings in Toronto have gotten out of control when…

It’s an odd feeling to have that general uneasiness about my neighborhood. I mean, I always knew that the side streets around me were pretty sketchy and I always avoid them. And the shootings were all blocks away from me – in an area I’d never have occasion to visit anyway. And when was the last time I was wandering the streets at 3 AM? (Okay, maybe not that long ago… piss.)

So how am I to deal with gun violence in my ‘hood? I guess that I just have to be more careful when I’m out and about at night – do stuff like perhaps spending the few dollars to jump on the Subway at 1 in the morning when I would normally just walk along main roads. But if I do this, am I giving in? I guess not. Giving in would be to consider a relocation uptown… Yonge & Eglington? Ugh, I can’t! This really gets under my skin. I like my neighborhood and really don’t want to feel unsafe and REALLY don’t want to feel chased away.

Escapee Todd Smith:

And I thought Scarborough was bad....

2005-08-15T00:10:00.000-04:00

For the last several weeks, even preceding the Caribana shooting sprees, (According to Greektown, “somebody always gets shot during Caribana weekend.”) the number of shootings, murders and murders by guns have been splashed across newspaper covers and are the lead news items on radio and TV. Mayor David Miller even came home early from his vacation, dug around a bit and scrounged up money to hire 150 new police officers in Toronto to deal with the situation.

I’ve often made jokes about how dangerous my work ‘hood is. People frequently get shot in the neighborhoods surrounding our building. That being said, I’m generally out of here by 7 PM latest and safe and sound back downtown by the time the thugs hit the streets (well, there was that one time that a cop was shot in the face during the day, but that was at least two years ago…).

But am I safe and sound downtown? I always thought of my home ‘hood as pretty safe. I’m within walking distance of some pretty sketchy neighborhoods, but I’ve never felt any danger where I am. The last few weeks have sort of led me to question that a bit. Last night there was a drive-by shooting two blocks from me that killed someone. Last weekend, there was another shooting just South West of that one and again, within walking distance. And here I was making fun of Scarborough… (I frequently tease my sister, who’s living / working in Scarborough for the summer about the fact that when there’s a murder anywhere in the GTA, they refer to the intersection closest to the scene (Scarlett & Lawrence, Jane & Finch, etc…) whereas whenever there’s a shooting in Scarborough, all they say is “shooting death in Scarborough” and that about covers it, because so much of it is sketchy.)

So I guess I have to stop making fun of everyone else’s neighborhoods and keep my head up a little more in my own. Oh, and duck for cover whenever a “black SUV” drives by after midnight… Hmmm, more on this tomorrow. Oh, and coming up… a review of The Aristocrats!!!

Non-Sexual Life Partners (yes, I have more than one!)

2005-08-12T12:50:00.000-04:00

Some of you have undoubtedly noticed that one of my favorite expressions (other than “aaaaand we’re done” and “one, two, three, up your bum” and of course the omnipresent “f-cker”) is “non-sexual life partner” (NSLP) This is what I call my close girlfriends that were it not for a complete lack of sexual attraction (sorry, girls!), I could happily spend the rest of my life with in non-lesbian (boys on the side) wedded bliss.

The inaugural NSLP is Vermont Girl, whom I presented as such at last year’s work Christmas party… THAT was fun… people were like, “this is my wife, so-and-so,” and I would reply “this is my non-sexual life partner, Vermont Girl.” It always took a minute or two for them to sort that out in their heads. I think I’m a bit of a bigamist however, because Greektown is also a NSLP… anyone who exchanges flowers with me on Valentines Day and routinely suggests chocolate ice cream for supper… is so NSLP material! Come to think of it… SJ Flames is also a NSLP (although his mother took me aside recently and suggested that if he could just “get over boys” that he and I would be perfect together… I think I replied that it was what we had most in common…).

Speaking of which, criteria for being my NSLP… you must be cool in a way that no one else is. This is achieved mostly by not giving a flying f--- about what anyone else thinks about you – this is a very difficult attitude to adopt and it is my favorite thing about these people. Also, being super cool and trendy qualifies ("those kicks are ill"). A talent for ridiculing those not imbued with our talent, beauty, grace and fashion sense is also critical and a trait that all of my NSLPs have in common….

Apparently I’m not alone in this kind of behaviour… the New York Times had an article yesterday about Non-Sexual Girl Crushes… it’s a great read if you have a few minutes… the bare bones is this… studies have proven that non-sexual crushes are felt in one part of the brain, distinctly different from lustful crushes that occur in a completely different area. So there you go, embrace the NSLP philosophy and announce it to the world!

Why are you dating? To get married, you? Same.

2005-08-11T13:34:00.000-04:00

So I got a call from a friend of mine from back East today. He’s a co-worker actually, but we’ve become quite good friends as well. Anyhow, he’s in his early 40’s, has four children and in March of last year, his wife of 20-odd years left him and his children (wipe hands on apron, hang apron up, walk out door, never look back). They had what I guess could be considered a reasonable divorce – he didn’t make a big deal of the fact that she was cheating on him and that she wanted to have nothing to do with raising their kids anymore…

So there is my pal, single, with four kids (one recently graduated from high school, two in high school and one in middle school). He’d been married his entire adult life – they were quite religious and got married when she got pregnant at age 18. So back to the Bible he went, though he never strayed any further than an occasional drink on the worst day. He decided to not date until the divorce was completely final, in May. Lo and behold, he visits a Christian dating site around the end of April and “meets” this lovely woman. They exchange multiple emails… something like the following:

Why are you dating…. to get married. Me too.
Do you have strong family values…yes. Me too.
Are you serious about religion…I am a Fundamentalist Christian. Me too.
Do you plan to have sex before marriage… no, do you? No.
How long have you been single? Since my husband died 13 years ago (and I haven’t had sex since).

So they are completely on the same page… have a few common interests and decide to go on a date in late May. Poof. I got a call from him today to tell me that they’re engaged.

My head hurts.

So I’ve been dating my whole adult life and I’ve never encountered anything like this. I’m mystified. Is it really that easy? Perhaps I’ve jumped too soon by ruling out internet dating? Why have I been going through all this dating silliness?

Can they seriously be well matched and know it this early on? Or is it because they’re a lot older and looking for something entirely different than me? I know that I’m looking for a best friend/fireworks combo and I won’t settle for just one or the other. I’m mystified!! (still!) I’ve been seeing someone for exactly that amount of time and let me tell you I CAN’T EVEN USE THE BF WORD!!! I think I need a nap.

Best Weekend EVER

2005-08-10T00:16:00.000-04:00

Last Weekend...
Yankees. Beer Festival. Taste of the Danforth. Three days and nights of the most fun ever. EVER. I’m going to attempt a photo journal of the Beer Festival – but it means doing a bit of photoshop because either me, Scallywag or Greektown are in every photo…

(above) Continuing on with the Mullet obsession...

(above) Scallywag's brother and I enjoying our time with the drunkest fat guy... he later fell over and rolled around on the ground for awhile...

(above) My favorites of the Beer Festival... matching sunglasses and everything...

(above) Is his shirt yellow or orange? The question of the evening and a matter of some debate on the patio at Taste of the Danforth (over Margaritas) until Greektown and I wandered over to ask for ourselves... the answer was "tangerine."

I am so smart.

2005-08-08T13:53:00.000-04:00

I was downloading photos from this past weekend’s Beer Festival / Taste of the Danforth off of my digital phone and discovered that with a bit of effort (had to edit the clip into a manageable size), I can download any song from my iTunes onto my cell and set it as my ringtone. I am the smartest EVER.

I’ll never have my phone on vibrate again because the Arcade Fire’s Rebellion is my new ringtone…. Until I throw on Ghetto Superstar… OR Brown Eyed Girl! The possibilities are endless.

Romance is not dead...

2005-08-05T13:25:00.000-04:00

I admit to right now, having a bit of a crush on Greektown’s brother, Capital City. Recently attending the Blues Festival in Ottawa, Capital City got caught in a downpour and gratefully accepted the kind offer of shelter from a girl with an umbrella. The two huddled, chatting under the umbrella for much of the evening. It turned out that the girl actually lived in a house that Capital City’s friend used to occupy. At the end of a lovely evening, they parted ways and alas, he forgot to ask for the girl’s phone number.

He did however, have her address… so Capital City summoned his courage and decided to send the girl a postcard… unable to find any "artsy" postcards--only postcards about Ottawa or Canada—he settled on a scene of people skating on the Canal because it seemed outrageously out of season. (but seriously debated the postcard of the Mountie with the really bad moustache…hmmm…). Here is what it said…

Hello!
I just wanted to send a quick note to say that it was a pleasure to meet you, and to thank you for letting me stay a bit drier in the downpour by sharing your umbrella. It was truly fascinating to meet someone who shares my passion for knitting while DJs spin vinyl.
I had such a great time that evening that I wanted to suggest that you bring me along on all of your dates. I could provide witty banter, transportation and...well...towels. You could provide the umbrella and jaunty ankle jewellery.
In any case, feel free to call me at 555-5555 if any of this sounds like fun to you. Take care!
- Capital City
PS - I think I'm obliged to say "having a fun time in Ottawa"

The girl, of course, called Capital City and they have a date on Saturday. Which is great, because his backup plan was to scope out her building's parking lot for the best angle at which to stand, while holding his ghetto blaster over his head and playing her favourite song --which he would have to take a total shot in the dark at... he was leaning towards "I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)" by Meat Loaf. Lucky girl… on many fronts…

So Capital City, may I offer some advice going forward: On the first date, bring flowers… I suggest old school roses – pink. On the second date, a picnic along the canal. On the third date… well, again, I’d go old school – Trojans instead of the trendy Lifestyles…

Mullets, Mullets & More Mullets

2005-08-04T13:32:00.000-04:00

This is the best site I've EVER seen... You must immediately click through to Mullet Mania... OMG, my stomach hurts from laughing!

Go! Now!!!

And the other side of baseball...

2005-08-04T12:05:00.000-04:00

The baseball piece yesterday inspired some interesting debate between Sporty Spice and myself on the Raffy Palmiero steroids debacle… the very guy who a few short months ago sat in front of the senate committee and said: “I have never used steroids. Period. I don't know how to say it any more clearly than that. Never… I am against the use of steroids” has now been accused of using the Ben Johnson steroid (which doctors characterize as “potent”). His new story goes something like this… “I am here to make it very clear that I have never intentionally used steroids. Never. Ever. Period… I am sure you will ask how I tested positive for a banned substance. As I look back, I don't have a specific answer to give... I have never intentionally used a banned substance, but I unfortunately wasn't careful enough.”

Blah, blah, blah, you’re an idiot. Steroids, probably a little Viagra thrown in for good measure (‘cause you know what the ‘roids do to you…)… Imagine Raffy at a news conference then…

Raffy: ...I have no idea how any of this happened... and just for the record, I only took Viagra because I was sleeping with prostitutes...
(Agent whispers in Raffy's ear)
Raffy: ...I've just been told that sleeping with prostitutes is also illegal... my bad... it's been a very confusing week. I hope no one finds out that I'm an illegal immigrant...
(Agent whispers in Raffy's ear)
Raffy: Just kidding folks... the prostitute was an illegal immigrant... got a bit mixed up there... no harm no foul... heh, heh, heh… Next thing you know I’ll have to start paying taxes…
(Agent whispers in Raffy’s ear)
Raffy: (to his Agent) Oh come on! I paid the sales tax on the steroids!!!

Very excited about tomorrow night... Go Yankees... but VERY boo hiss that I'm missing Jason Collett at the Mod Club. VERY TORN. I'm sure Greektown is making note of this and planning to bargain with me tonight... "So I'll go to the Shout Out Louds at Lee's if YOU go to Jason Collett..." Really, it would be a no brainer except that I have the corporate seats - on the third baseline for the Yankees...

Once again from Morningnewsbeat, my favorite newsletter...

2005-08-03T11:58:00.000-04:00

You all know that I am an avid baseball fan... regardless of whether you are a fan, the words of Ryne Sandberg are inspiring...

"The reason I am here, they tell me, is that I played the game a certain way, that I played the game the way it was supposed to be played. I don't know about that, but I do know this: I had too much respect for the game to play it any other way, and if there was there was a single reason I am here today, it is because of one word, respect. I love to play baseball. I'm a baseball player. I've always been a baseball player. I'm still a baseball player. That's who I am…"

“It was all about doing things right. If you played the game the right way, played the game for the team, good things would happen. That's what I loved most about the game, how a ground out to second with a man on second and nobody out was a great thing. Respect…"

“I was in awe every time I walked on to the field. That's respect. I was taught you never, ever disrespect your opponent or your team mates or your organization or your manager and never, ever your uniform. Make a great play, act like you've done it before, get a big hit, look for the third base coach and get ready to run the bases, hit a home run, put your head down, drop the bat, run around the bases, because the name on the front is a lot more important than the name on the back. That's respect…"

“These guys sitting up here did not pave the way for the rest of us so that players could swing for the fences every time up and forget how to move a runner over to third, it's disrespectful to them, to you, and to the game of baseball that we all played growing up. Respect…

“The feeling I've had since I got the call is a feeling I suspect will never go away. I'm told it never does. It's the highest high you can imagine. I wish you all could feel what I feel standing here. This is my last big game. This is my last big at-bat. This is my last time catching the final out. I dreamed of this as a child but I had too much respect for baseball to think this was ever possible. I believe it is because I had so much respect for the game and respect for getting the most out of my ability that I stand here today. I hope others in the future will know this feeling for the same reason: Respect for the game of baseball. When we all played it, it was mandatory. It's something I hope we will one day see again.”
- Ryne Sandberg, former Chicago Cubs 2nd baseman, on being inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame, July 31, 2005

”The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and what could be again."
- Terence Mann (James Earl Jones) in “Field of Dreams” (1989)

“Baseball is the most important thing that doesn't matter."
- Robert B. Parker

My mother hates you.

2005-08-02T12:00:00.000-04:00

So in my lifetime, I’ve had three serious long-term relationships – one that lasted four years (we lived together for awhile) and ended when he proposed, one that lasted three years and ended when he asked me to move to Halifax with him (and have eight kids) and of course, Ebola (one year). My mother has of course, met all of these guys and because I’m so close with my family, she’s spent quite a bit of time with all except Ebola.

She’s never liked any of them.

I envy all of you who have two parents at home, so that you always have the good cop / bad cop thing happening when you introduce someone to your parents. I just have a make-everyone-really-uncomfortable mother. Case in point: last March, my mother comes to Toronto to help me apartment hunt before my big move and she’s meeting Ebola for the second time… The three of us are headed out to brunch and we’re walking up Yonge Street. We walk by a panhandler. Once we’ve passed him, my mother looks at Ebola and asks “do you ever give money to people on the streets? If so why? If not, why not? How does it make you feel to walk by these people?” So we’ve already walked by the guy, Ebloa did not give him money – how awkward is this?! This is what she likes to do – try to catch them off guard, then judge. If I didn’t actually like these people and didn’t really value my mother’s opinion, it would be really fun to watch! (There’s a reality tv show idea for you… meet the mother.) It’s like a car wreck. A few weeks ago, my mother told me that she really likes my baby sister’s boyfriend – a cop that’s ten years older (he’s actually the same age as the guy I’m seeing!). All signs point to: my mother should hate him, but when I ask what it is that she likes about him, my mother says: “He’s not scared of me.” How do you ever prepare anyone for this?

So for this reason, I’m of course, really hesitant to ever introduce anyone to my mother. I rarely do. Who wants to go through all this unless things are really going somewhere??? Which leads me to my current dilemma – my mother is visiting in a few weeks and what the hell am I going to do about the current dude? I was feeling kind of good about the situation because the dude and I had a bit of a chat over the weekend and I was pretty sure that we were on the same page – we even talked about the whole meeting parents issue and decided that there was no need to rush down that road. Very cool. Until Sunday afternoon, when Mr. Shifty McTricky sneak attacked me with an intro to his parents. So now what? Feed him to the lion?

Again from the East Coast...

2005-07-29T12:22:00.000-04:00

This week in Morningnewsbeat, my favorite industry newsletter…

Wednesday, July 27…
The CBC reports that in Woodstock, New Brunswick, just five miles from the US-Canadian border, a controversy has broken out over the 85-year-old resident of a trailer park. The park is scheduled to be razed to make way for a Wal-Mart, and a deal was struck that would pay moving and relocation expenses for anyone owning a home and living there as of last December. The 85-year-old woman, however, was not covered because her mobile home is technically owned by her children. Now, the 33 other residents of the trailer park have banded together, refusing to move until the elderly woman is guaranteed reimbursement of her expenses.

Friday, July 29...
MNB reported earlier this week about a controversy enveloping a trailer park in Woodstock, New Brunswick, about five miles from the US-Canada border. The trailer park was scheduled to be razed to make room for a Wal-Mart, with anyone who lived and owned a home there as of last December being reimbursed for moving and relocation expenses. The deal fell apart, though, when an 85-year-old woman didn’t qualify to have her expenses paid because her trailer home was technically owned by her children – at which point the rest of the parks residents said they wouldn’t move unless she were included. Now, however, the development company has agreed to pay the bulk of her expenses, the elderly woman has agreed, the other residents have backed down, and Woodstock will eventually get its Wal-Mart.

Just FYI… this is where Ebola is from… (okay, not the trailer park per se…). Ahh, the East Coast...

Lloyd Dobler is ruining it for the rest of us...

2005-07-29T12:03:00.000-04:00

Frequently cropping up in our discussions of late (around campfires, in restaurants and while sitting in my living room, drinking the last of the beer in my fridge after a long day of… drinking), is the Lloyd Dobler conundrum. What the hell am I talking about??? Shame on you! I’m referring to the romantic leading man of all 80’s movies… John Cusack as Lloyd Dobler, in Cameron Crowe’s film, Say Anything. Lloyd somehow manages to come across as hopelessly romantic as he serenades Diane, with his boom box playing “In Your Eyes.” Sigh…

Now any guy trying today to emulate that moment would come across as stalkerish, desperate and would likely have a restraining order slapped against him. That notwithstanding, I don’t know of a girl who wouldn’t appreciate some kind of grand gesture. I think dating has turned into something almost business-like, as we examine, evaluate, rate and slowly, slowly, allow glimpses of ourselves to show and usually ending things before we really get to know each other. But deep, deep, deep down inside I think we all love the idea of the guy we’re crushing on giving us a Dobler moment. And the fact that it never happens is a little heartbreaking. I wonder if a Dobler guy would get a much better chance than the average-I-have-no-feelings-guy… speaking for myself… I think so.

And hey, I’m a liberated girl… I think that we’re just as capable of the big romantic move… But yeah, I’m just as bad at this as everyone else and I’m certainly no grand gesture girl… I just think the idea of someone putting it all out there, laying bare their soul, so to speak, is so unbearably romantic and brave. It just won’t be me.

Not your typical commemoration...

2005-07-28T14:41:00.000-04:00

250 years ago today, in 1755, the Acadian people were expelled from their homes by the British. Today’s commemoration is being marked by the sound of church bells in over 60 churches throughout New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, PEI, Newfoundland and Quebec, and followed by a minute of silence. This will be the first ever commemoration since a Royal Proclamation was made in December 2003.

Why am I writing about this??? Well, I am Acadian. There’s your little known fact for the day – and likely explains why I know so many French curse words. I didn’t grow up overly conscious of the fact that I was Acadian… my mother, who is a Cormer-Chiasson (there are some French names for you!) married an Anglophone and although we speak fluent French, it wasn’t until the first ever Acadian Retrouvailles of 1994 in New Brunswick and the Sommet de la Francophonie, held in Moncton in 1999, that my family really re-embraced our Acadian heritage. In school, we covered the Acadian expulsion in history class, and what young Acadian girl hasn’t acted out a soliloquy from Antonine Maillet’s La Sagouine… (Just me? Okay then…). But it wasn’t until many, many years later that I realized my tie to this history.

I usually remember to raise a glass to my roots every August 15th (and maybe listen to a little 1755 – my favorite EVER Acadian Band) but more than that, I am very proud to declare myself an Acadian whenever I can. I’ll do so again today, at 17:55, (or 4:55 EST) when I’ll turn off my iPod in the car and observe the minute of silence… then like any proud Acadian, I’ll chase it down with a cold beer. Santé!