Enough About Me... How About You? What Do You Think Of Me?

Thursday, June 23, 2005

So you think I'm a big beeyatch now...

So I’m heading to the East Coast next week – meetings at head office and a few vacation days. I haven’t been back since January. I’m very pumped about seeing my family, hanging with SJ Flames (and meeting the new man – I love that you’re bringing your new BF to meet your Fag Hag), eating GARLIC FINGERS and DONAIRS and playing a bit of golf.

One of the highlights of my trip (apart from the garlic fingers and donairs, which I plan to pick up on the way to my mothers from the airport…) is spending Thursday with my grandmother (Memere). She and I have been quite close for years, and when I was living back East, I would take her out for lunch once a month and then we’d go shopping. If ever you’ve wondered where I got my fashion critiquing skills / bitchy attitude from, look no further. Please allow me to demonstrate – oh, and didn’t I mention she’s quite deaf? (she used to wear hearing aids, but after wearing them in the shower, dropping one in her coffee (??) and stepping on another, gave up on them altogether. “I don’t need them,” she says… What???) So everything she says is several decibels louder than normal – shouting, really.

Scene: Fabricville store, facing a rather large woman barreling towards us with an armload of material.
Memere: Look at that woman… doesn’t she know that her stomach is hanging out of the bottom of her blouse? Someone should tell her she shouldn’t dress like that. Tsk, tsk.

Scene: favorite fancy pasta restaurant, very intimate and QUIET, downtown.
Memere: Look at that couple. She looks lovely, wearing a nice dress and he looks like a bum. Why is he wearing jeans at a nice restaurant like this? Why do you think she’s with him?

Scene: learning seminar at the regional hospital. I occasionally take my grandmother to these – she’s a former nurse and has an interest in these things. We show up and grab seats in the front row. So, there we are, and the woman giving the seminar is getting her papers together at the podium in front of us.
Memere: why is she wearing those pants?? Her underwear is far too tight, it looks like she has an innertube around her waist? Those pants are really unflattering… don’t you think she looks terrible?
Please bear in mind that the woman is about three feet away and my grandmother is shouting because she’s deaf… yikes.

It never fails that my grandmother comes up with some kind of gem (like the time she told me she thought SJ Flames was (mouthing the word) “gay” – you know, just in case I didn’t know…). I can’t even wait – you thought I was a big beeyatch before – just wait until I spend another day with her!!!

Posted by Brown Eyed Girl :: 12:02 PM :: 1 Comments:

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